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2003-08-17 00:08:50 (UTC)

Fresh Start... Again

Wow, I am starting my diary all over again. I can't
beleive it. This is the second time that I trash all of my
previous entries and start all over again! So then I'll
start from now.

I am very exited and happy because in just a month and a
half I will be a mommy. Along with all the happiness and
all I have been feeling a bit down. I'm eighteen and I'm
bringing a baby into this world when I can't offer him
much. I should have waited and at least saved some money,
gotten a small degree or something and made sure Matt could
handle all of the responsibility for a few months. I didn't
plan ahead, I just didn't want to be sent back to Chicago
when I was done with school. My plan was to start working
in January, but now I'm thinking I may have to start
working before that. If I could have a way to work from
home doing something, I wish I knew what though. I checked
a couple of things out but they weren't any good. I don't
know. There's one that seems like it may work... I don't
know.I want a cookie, a bottle and a diaper, and while I'm
at it, turn two again, where all I knew was how to get
anything I needed and a lot of what I wanted.
Then all of the friends I had here (except Lola) ended up
going "bye bye". Nobody really talk to me. Andrew is still
mad at I don't know what, so is Julian and all of them.
But you know what, in a little bit I will have my baby
and for the short period of time that I get to stay home
with him I will loose myself in his eyes and his cry. Just
knowing that I'm needed makes me feel real good.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday and he was real happy
that I called him. He said that he felt really good when he
got my card and the pictures I sent him. I still can't
beleive that he is so far away.

Oh yeah, Monica stayed with us last week Friday and went
home last night. I miss that little twirp.