2003-08-16 08:31:38 (UTC)


dont know if ill write in this before i leave.... goin to
bermuda for the week... hopefully ill get to swim in those
heavenly waters in between thunderstorms
these days have been a blur... tomorrow i pack and then
relax... what i like about cruises is that you are forced
to do nothing... its ok, thats what you should be doing...
i have to pick a book to bring too... last year i was
working on my colloquium... brought like 10 with me... boys
coming into our cabin thought i was all smart...

it makes me uncomfortable.. there are some guys i hang out
with that always say how smart i am "shes the smartest girl
i know..." and it makes me feel weird and i wish they'd
stop... cause really i feel like a retard sometimes..
people always have told me you are intelligent you are a
great writer but it doesnt really matter, its not true
unless you believe it and then if you believe it it kinda
becomes less true.
oy, these circles. neverends.........
i hope i have the strength in me that i always thought i
had. i hope i really am what some other people think of me.
i really need that. i dont know who else to be.
im gonna use this next bermuda week as my last bullshit
relaxing time then really whip myself into shape,
i will will