psychomagnet

however far away, i will always love you

however long i stay, i will always love you
*****whatever words i say, i will always love you******
i will always LOVE YOU...

whenever im alone with you
you make me feel like i am home again
you make me feel like i am whole again
you make me feel like i am young again
you make me feel like i am fun again, again
you make me feel like i am free again
you make me feel like i am clean again
however far away, i will always love you
however long i stay, i will always love you
whatever words i say, i will always love you
i will always LOVE YOU

we went to the beach again last night. it wasnt the most
fun we've had there. but it wasnt half bad. plus i got to
see my claudia. and allison. that wasnt as weird as i
thought it would be. i didnt like dawn's friend caleb. it
took me awhile to decide that. at first i was like oh im
guna hate this prick. then i was like ohh maybe he's not
so bad. but by this morning i decided hes just a cocky
prick. i hate boys. no i just hate people. but it was cool
cus i was with ashleigh and dawn, even though ashleigh
seemed really stressed most of the time. or something. its
hard to tell with her still. but it wasnt bad, i was
mainly tired and felt sick and a little stressed out. not
nearly as much as today. i havent stopped crying all day.
my new job called me today. and i cant work there.
because i didnt work long enough there in gainesville i
cant be rehired. i tried to explain to her but it didnt
matter. and so im back where i started. and it was so
disappointing. because i was excited about it and i know
id be really good at it. and now im so fucked. i dont know
why it is affecting me so much. but when i know i would be
good at something and i dont get the chance, or i fuck up
my chance, i dont know what to do with it. i was sitting
there in his car while he was in the bank and maybe its the
medicine this just seemed like the perfect reason to kill
myself. i was like i just cant deal with dealing with all
the shit ive fucked up, i deal with it then it comes around
again and kicks me down and i have to deal with it again
and it never fucking goes away and im just too tired for
it. so many things seem like they're just getting worse
and never better and sometimes i sit and very calmly
think, theres no use. its time.

for some reason matt's being a real prick today. he was
sweet to me when i got the call from the job. but before
and after that, he has no patience with me today. im
annoying him because i dont really care what we do or
anything. like i didnt care where we ate or what we do
tonight. but im fucking sick and ive got more important
shit on my mind to be making all the stupid decisions right
now. and he wont back off. what happened to my honey that
would make me that crazy good sick tea and bring me cough
drops and be sweet to me when im sick and sad. where did
he go. i didnt get to say bye.
i need more medicine. fuck hes here.