Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2003-08-15 07:17:51 (UTC)

Mind Game VI...

So, it comes down to this.

Do i change my ways? or, do i
remain stubborn and stuck fast?

It was commented to me, albiet in
a round about way, that i am, well

I suppose that i my attempt to allow
others to be themselves, and that
i expect them to be True to what it
is that they beleive. I ignore things
they are trying to tell me.

I think i get so wrapped up in the
words of what it is i am trying to
get out, that i end up simply being
a class A jerk. Or at the very least
come off as being haughty and arrogant.

i don't know, i think i am moving too
fast, and i simply don't know what i
want, so, i accept everything, and don't
look into the reasons behind things.

I have given up on soo many people, Tess
I love her, but she's so far away, and
has her own life to deal with, there isn't
much if any room in it for me. I will always
care about her, and I will always be her
friend, if she wants that. I would be more,
but, distance i suppose kills...

Kristen, well, i love her, and always will,
she doesn't beleive it, and i've done
some things, to make her life harder, albiet
in a juevenile kind of kindergardern way. Like
giving her boyfriend access to her email, i
mean, she cheated on me, she cheated on him.
Everyone seems to forgive her for it. I
guess it is simply a curse to which we all
end up in relationship with her. She's never
been able to not cheat on those she goes out
with, but then, she can't be alone either.
In her journal, i made a few comments, she
ignored me, until i made a post about her
tacitlly ignoring me. She of course, in a
public forum, chastised me, we wouldn't want
anyone to know who she really is. I am
the only one who ever will understand her.
But, then i'm always wrong, aren't I...

Val, well, i have nothing to talk to her
about. I think i gave up, simply because
i have no back bone and didn't ask her out
when i had the chance. Also it doesn't help
I am like this cold fish when it comes to
being a group of people, i come off all boring,
and un interesting. Sigh.. oh well, shit
doth happen. I think it would have been great.
But, she's in another world than i am...

Whom else for the bell tolls?