eidolon

safety and anger...

I was thinking about something earlier today that I'd never
really considered before... but that I find completely true
all the same.

It's come to my awareness that I am not at all as 'safety
concious' as the majority of the population. I mean...
yes, I take precautions as all people do... but I've come
to the realizeation that I do it for appearances sake
instead of any true concern for my own safety. And that my
perceptions of what is dangerous and what is safe are very
different just as my perceptions on what is 'normal'
and 'acceptable' seem to be much different than most of
society's.

I obviously must have ~some~ idea of what the norm is since
I (for the most part, unconciously) work at appearing to
fit into it... but my actions in no way reflect my true
feelings on most activities where I perform cautionary
measures.

I wonder if all adrenaline junkies reach that point? Or if
there's some other cause involved...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Someone I thought I admired and respected at work
insinuated that I'm ignorant today.

What is it with so many high-ingellegence people that they
think ~everyone~ who is not mentally retarded has the
capability to be just as intelligent as them... to be able
to learn just as easily and in the same style as them? And
that if a person is not able to that it's not ability
that's lacking... but that the person is simply lazy.

Or believe that thier priorities and goals are the only
right ones out there and should be the priorities and goals
of everyone. Unable to believe that anything else outside
their own spectrum of priorities could possibly be
considered ~more~ important to someone else.

I don't understand how people with such huge potential
brain power can be so completely closed-minded and obtuse
about something so simple.

This man at work was like that. He believes that anyone...
absolutely anyone can learn a complex operating system just
by doing a bit of trial-and-error experimentation. He keeps
insisting that teaching or having a manual is completely
unnecessary. He does not accept the idea that some people
are held back by fear... that some are not aware that it is
something available to learn... or that some simply cannot
teach themselves but need the help of another person or a
manual in order to learn.

When I tried to explain this to him he insisted on thinking
that I was making 'excuses' for myself even after I had
clearly stated to the man that my own problem was lack of
interest and motivation and not lack of ability or the
intelligence necessary to learn what he was refering to on
my own steam.

I was trying to have an intelligent discussion with him and
realized instead that I was simply beating my head against
a brick wall over and over.

People like that make me SO IRRITATED.

I misjudged the man and it makes me upset. I believe that
he deserved my admiration and respect... finding out that I
was wrong... standing there and having him essentially
telling me I'm ignorant, stupid and lazy without coming out
with the precise words... sneering... it hurt.

I went to him because there was a problem with the
computer... something he's paid to take care of... not to
be berated and insulted... which is what ended up happening.

Surprisingly... talking with Val about it afterwards kind
of helped me feel better. I figured it would have made me
feel silly or embarrassed or just... I don't know, I just
don't usually talk to people to much about things that
cause me turmoil... it was different to share and have
someone commiserate about it all... someone other than a
therapist. ~grin~