Stevathediva

Steva's Life
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2003-08-10 17:27:03 (UTC)

Quick Choices and bad endings... :-/

Well, it all started about a month or so ago, When my
friend Jenn "upstate jen" and i talked about her moving in,
and it never seemed to progress, so i figured that she
didn't wnat to move in, And my friend sarah, Asked me if
she could move in, and i felt bad for her, becuase of alot
of shit that's gone and going on in her life, so i said she
could come live with me, and i've gotten really sick "I
know its been 4 days" but she's actually totally Annoying,
and i'm not a type of person to bring it forth, And i'm not
sure that i can handle it for long...

Like Jenn and i were talking yesterday becuase she's
leaving school in upstate to go back to her house that's
upstate, and she's coming down to stay in the city tomorrow
as far as i know. And I can't wait to see her because
she's amazing, she's such a cool girl :-)

But with sarah, with things that she does, I'm sick of her
telling me oh yeah, i'll be back soon when she goes to
jersy and then she leaves at like 1:30 pm and then gets
back at like midnight or later, and i'm sitting here
waiting for her, and its a pointless game, and i'm sick of
it, already because jeff did the same thing and i'm SICK as
all fuck of it.

And i thought sarah would be different, And i'm afrade to
bring anything up becuase that's just me, and i don't know
how to do this, I mean i will admit this, i've never had to
deal with alot of the stuff that i'm dealing with now, I
mean i'm living a normal life now, i've always been brought
up in a fantisy world i've had what i wanted when i wanted.
I'm sorry for putting that down but alot of you know what i
mean. And Its all coming at me a little to fast, why can't
i go back to the normal life, I mean i have great friends
out there that actually treat me like a normal person, Like
Jen, Jenn, Jen H, Lindsey, and some other people. I don't
wnat to list them all sorry girls... :-)

And then i have people like sarah And jeff, sorry jeff if
your reading This, i have to put it down its been bothering
me, Like they would go out and then come back in a week,
and not tell me where they're going and not call, and i
knew this about sarah, before i put my self in the
situation but i went right on ahead letting her move in
with me, but now i regret it in ways, i mean if she were to
actually follow what she says she's going to do then that
would be a totally different story, But its not... and i
don't know how long i can deal with it.

Like while i was living alone for the little while... i
mean its longer then a little while because jeff moved in
basically with josh a long time ago, butsince i offically
went ahead with it, I lived alone and i was really enjoying
it, but kind of misses the having someone there to talk to,
i mean i had alot of people over and what not, and jenn was
always here... but it just didn't feel all that right.

And of course i'm sitting here Feeling depressed because i
know i've probably made the wrong Decion, and i hateeee
this feeling.

But I do miss all together living alone becuase i could do
what i want when i want to... and have who i want over when
i want to... And sleep with whomever i wanted to... not
that i really did that alot... but... you know what i mean.

Like i'm in the process of re-doing my Apt, and I want to
get curtins for the window's and i want to get somthing
really pretty looking like velvet or somthing dramatic, and
Sarah's like you should really go to k-mart its much
cheeper, and i've never been told what to do or to do
somthing like that, And now i feel weird, i mean of course
i do go to K-mart for stuff, but never for major things
like Curtins etc. I would usally go to pottery Barn or what
not....

I have no idea what else to say, but i know i have to say
alo more stuff, I just wish it would come out....

Well i'm going to take a break, and rest... i feel relly
sick and need to rest... :-(
-diva


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