2003-08-09 09:16:49 (UTC)


just got home. had such a lovely night. went to the yankee
game with andrew (lil bro) sat in amazing seats, closer
than ive ever been, i could get a good shot of jeters poofy
ass whenever i desired.. great game too.... then met
irene and friends at mercury bar... where i had a love
affair with the bouncer, manny, who was so HOT and just my
spanish luvin type ... he held my hand , kissed my
cheek... his face softened whenever he let me back in...
went from bouncer hard to smiling soft... and made me just
melt even though he spoke like the housecleaner from the
birdcage... when i got tired around 3 he said to wait
around, he'd drive me home... and i was endeared and turned
on that i waited. and waited. 15 minutes, 20 minutes... 4am
he told me 5 minutes, meet me on the cornor... and i waited
until 430 and left. made my poor friends wait with me. i
really wanted to take him home. i wanted to kiss him, talk
to him in the car. he was so pretty, so my type, big and
strong... i even was thinking about sleeping with him.
hahaha he couldve gotten laid... but he just left me
there.... and i wasnt about to wait around any longer, or
go back into the bar to see what the hold up was. there
couldve been a fight, they might notve been able to get
everyone out... unforseen circumstances i understand... but
30 minutes is long enough.... was thinking in the cab on
the way back... hahaha this is really God telling you not
to sleep around. God saying, go home to your vibrator, dear
child... am i happy im home alone now, in front of this
computer, as usual? maybe im not this time. maybe i'd
rather be underneath manny the boucer, looking into his
soft face. as ya know, he pumps away. expieriencing condom
sex, as i dont know what thats like...
i dont take offense. i knew he liked me. i could see it in
his face. something came up in bar saturday after hours and
he couldnt come to the cornor where he said he'd meet me. i
couldnt demean myself to go back and see. i jumped in a
cab, saving face, whaddya gonna do. i shoulda just given
him my number, as i planned to. it was still nice , to have
someone look at me like that.
i can't wait around tho. i can't be desperate.
of course on cab ride back i drew chris paralles... why
cant i understand that situation with such simple fluidity.
obviosly, because you invest things like time and love and
vulnerability and VIRGINITY... but i have to deal with
chris with the same ruthlessness i dealed with manny the
bouncer...... i have to just jump in a cab, leave, and be
happy with what i got....