Mezzo Swede

A Toast to World Domination
2003-08-09 08:52:46 (UTC)

Vicarious Lessons Learned

I miss my grandmother. I wish I could talk to her right
now, and tell her everything that I am feeling. I think she
would have liked to know. Isn’t it funny that I realize
this now. Now. When it’s too late.

Sharing thoughts and feelings with others repeatedly
results in judgment or mockery. Listening is hard it seems.
I find myself happy to listen, happy to sympathize. But
everyone I talk to seems more eager to either solve a given
problem THEIR way, when it’s obvious that it wouldn’t work
for me….or they seem even more eager to overshadow any
problem I might have, with their own tales of despair and
pathos. I can’t blame people for not knowing how to listen.
I’ve concluded that the only person you can truly change is
yourself, so why waste your time?

I take comfort in knowing what made my grandmother happy
while she was living. She told me. I also know what made
her unhappy. She told me that too. Sadly, some of the
things that made her unhappy, made her unhappy every single
day of her life. Even though I can’t reach her now…I can do
her the respect of not letting something or somebody make
me that unhappy.

I never did buy into the belief that you have to “go out
and learn for yourself”. Why waste precious moments of
life trying something for yourself, if it’s been obvious,
time and time again, that it hasn’t worked for anybody
else? I’ll learn what I can from other people’s mistakes.
And maybe they can learn from mine.

Thanks for listening, Mormor. And thanks for the lesson. I
will try my hardest to do avoid exactly that which you
advised me to avoid. It’s interesting that I should have to
call upon that very advice, so soon after you left. I think
about what you said every few days. It is so strange to
think that you and I are the only ones who know. I hope you
know that I listened. I listened very carefully. Hopefully
someday, I can pass this lesson on, to somebody who will
listen as carefully as I listened to you. I miss you so
much.




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