Yet Another Guy Named Matt

Serious Fucking Journalism
2003-08-09 08:30:23 (UTC)

Random thoughts

1.) Why are people flocking to see Spy Kids 3: Game Over?
It's quite simple really. How else can one get an
opportunity to enjoy Ricardo Montalban in full three-
dimensional splendor without breaking any trespassing laws?

2.) Is anyone else out there tired of all the jokes about
Gigli? Ok, it's a piece of shit. Now that this little
tidbit of knowledge has become a universally accepted
truth, we can move on to other subjects such as the fact
that Kobe Bryant is so god damn stupid that he attended the
Teen Choice Awards show in spite of the fact that he is
being accused of raping a potential audience member of said
show.

3.) In a bid to raise money for charity, Carly Simon will
reveal the inspiration behind her song "Your So Vain" to
anybody with $50,000 lying around the house. Though I
admire her selflessness, I have to question her choice in
merchandise considering the fact that it is no longer the
1970s and subsequently, nobody gives a fuck about that
song. In a somewhat related note, another singer/songwriter
of Simon's heyday, Gilbert O'Sullivan, will come over to
your house and perform menial tasks like yard work for a
mere $10.

4.) Is there anything in the Constitution that enables the
recall of an entire state? If so, we need volunteers to
gather enough signatures outside every Wal-Mart in the
United States to initiate the process of kicking California
out. Any state that attempts to deify Ashton Kutcher or
present a monosyllabic action star oaf as a viable
political candidate needs to be eliminated.

5.) NASCAR is not a sport. Dale Earnhardt Jr is not an
athlete. The only somewhat athletic person you'll ever see
on a race track is the pit crew member who has to hoist
that giant metallic canister filled with gasoline on to his
shoulders.




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