2003-08-09 05:10:09 (UTC)

sleep on, dream on..

we saw bad boys. it was pretty funny. but i hate action
movies. just a bunch of dumb stuf getting blown up and a
few punch lines. it seems like such a waste.

im all kinds of weird tonight. probably cus my sleep is
all fucked up. dawns probably mad at me for not going to
rocky with her. well there was no way i could have not seen
him tonight after this morning. my phone accidentaly
called him when we were going to breakfast and when he
called back i didnt pick up and so he was mad at me all
day. "who were you fucking when i called you back."
because if i were cheating on him i would be waking up at
730 in the fucking morning to do it. jesus. my life is
such a joke.

hahaha georgina got her email like 10 minutes before we
left and she wrote me back all "i wish i could have come,
heres my number lets hang out some other time." lol what
was i thinking? im such a bitch but really. why would i
want to sit and play these stupid girl games with some 16
year old drama queen poser? quite honestly i cant even
handle the fake gaminess of the girls my age i call my
friends. i couldnt even sit at the table the other night
when dawn and ashleigh were discussing "The Meaning of
Friendship." seriously, things are complicated enough that
we dont need to sit around and try to be deep while trying
to answer a question that simply can never have one
answer. im sadly being very honest when i say that most of
the time i dont feel like i have any friends. if a friend
is someone that you trust, i certainly do not. there is
not a single soul on the face of the earth that i trust at
all. not matt, not my mother, not ashley or claudia or
anyone. even people who i know love me. give me any person
and i will give you a scenario in which they would fuck me
over in a heartbeat and not think twice. and even less
seriously, i dont think i know a single person who i dont
occasionally see right through when they're speaking and
wonder what is wrong with people. people are so desperate
to get any kind of response out of someone else that they
put all forms of sensitivity and honesty aside just to get
a reaction. who needs to tell the truth, who cares about
hurting feelings, they just want to say somethign that
makes them feel powerful or knowledgeable or fit in and get
a response out of someone, whether it be sympathy, anger or
even a flicker of pain in their eye so subtle you cant be
entirely sure it was there - so hey, you better push a
little further.

i absolutely abhore people.