i have off this month. been goin for walks. been reading.
been drinking mostly, hahah. this week. ill try and make
next week different. i have this new apartment and im not
even really unpacked. just the shit really is still packed.
stuff i could throw away. i dont know what to think about,
or what to do. walking to the park yesterday my head was so
noisy, so many thoughts. then i sat down and breathed
closed my eyes, and felt a little better, wrote in my
journal and read some... there was a girl at the bar last
night... she was turning 30 and she was telling me alot of
things. she was wasted and was being a close talker. but i
liked what she was saying. she said, life isnt so surpiring
now. now you know what not to deal with, what shit not to
put up with. she said screw men, think about yourself, do
what you need to do, get all the degrees you want, after
that, they will come. which is what ive always believed.
for some reason its hard for me to be doing the things i
should be doing. 1)not talking to chris 2) writing every
day 3) researching pisa 4) joining the gym its like i
have this BLAH side that wants to remain BLAH. oh and
cleaning and unpacking and decorating. i need help with
that tho. i cant do stuff like that unless there is someone
else there... same with gym stuff... i just wont go unless
im supposed to be going with someone.
i am also so horny. i cant get outta bed till i get off
like 3 times cause if i dont there just this ache that
follows me around all day and i can t think of anythign
whats annoying is sometimes i think about things to write
in this.... things that are somewhat interesting but before
my computer i become a dud.
i was out the other night... this guy we were sitting with
was reading something from the tv at the bar.... whats the
most important trait you want your mate to have? honesty,
imagination, humor, attractiveness. i said
honesty/imagination. i need both. dont want a dud like how
i feel right now. dont want a liar because the world is
hard enough to translate, all we can do is stay as close to
the truth as possible or whatever the hell the truth is. is
that day. at least out of our mouths we should say what is
true in our hearts...
and imagination so we can live outside of reality, make
reality better, make life together and by ourselves that
much more interesting. both are important.
i wonder if im being honest with myself. ill have to think
people keep telling me to not take things so seriously. i
agree with that. i didnt know i did, take things seriously.
to the extent at least that its noticable. i guess maybe i
mull things over when writng... i guess in my head i weigh
out possibilities,, see things from all angles... maybe
that doesnt come out so much
ok, im gonna go get ready to get drunk again...