once again
2003-08-06 01:36:14 (UTC)

this might be a new one

Well in the last couple of days I've come to realize that,
no, I am not happy with my life and I want to change it,
Rene is such an asshole, and I need to loose weight. So,
I've joined the gym, put myself past that little boy and I
don't know what else to do. I'm miserable again, I admit
it. I feel like I need more people around me to keep me
happy, but if I can't be alone with myself and be happy
then others can't do the same. I just don't know what to
do. I want my own car and my own things and my own life
and someone to come home to other then the brats here,
although they're relatively good, and all real life.

Amica read this today and emailed me. I haven't talked to
her in over a year. Actually since she left my things on
the front porch and they got wet from the rain. I don't
know if I should respomd to her or let it go. I don't know
if I should tell her that she's right she has no business
talking to me but it's a free world and a public diary so
she can do as she pleases, cuz we all know she will. I
don't know if I should say trusce, or what. I don't know.

I have no car, no health insurance, almost no prescritions
left. I have a few friends and no boyfriend to be with, no
real money saved. I have no one around that I used to
enjoy, and I crave people that hurt me. I crave doing
things that hurt me and when I hang out with people here I
have such a good time and then it's as if they forget about
me for a while.

I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I
purposely go out and drive around just to do so, and I'm
bored of it. I just want fun and excitement again. I just
don'tknow what to do.