Emily

One More in the World
2003-08-04 21:47:53 (UTC)

Inhale...Exhale...

I had the first day of try-outs today. I actually feel
kind of good about them. I'm starving, haven't eaten all
day, and worked hard. But all well, feels good. Hope I make
it, one more day of try-outs.
Concert and North Carolina soon... I can't wait! :-)!
I can't keep doing this, I keep saying that I give up, but
it's just a smack in the face when it becomes evident to us
all that I haven't... even more that I know I've just been
lying to myself. And lying gets you nowhere. I want to be
over this. I really, really do. Clues lead me to believe
that you're avoiding me, and I'm willing to accept this,
I'm willing to let go. But that will is not overpowering my
heart. Let go of me, please, let me let go. You're holding
onto my heart and squeezing weakness into it... let go now,
you have everything you came for. I miss you, I love you, I
don't have you... but you have all of me... what more do
you want? Give me permission, give me the "okay" to know
that it's safe to turn around without looking back- that
it's okay to tell myself that is in fact, "The End".

-Sweet thing, I hope you know,
I'm wondering where you are
You say this could work someday,
But you and I both know this is the end.-
-The Starting Line-

I'm talking to Freddie a lot again. But it doesn't feel
the same. We talked about Rob and those issues, and I
honestly feel that it's okay and a good thing to have that
sort of friendship. Freddie's becoming like one of my best
friends (guy wise) and I needed that. I'm just hoping that
it doesn't grow into more. We both admitted we'll always
have feelings for one another, but that doesn't mean we
have to act upon them, we want each other to be happy. I
just wish my happiness could be found with mine and Rob's
relationship... and I wouldn't have to fall back to
Freddie, that's just not very nice of me. Eh, I'm confused.

Bye.




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