WeeLilStar

back in the old frame of mind

i just finished this book about this kid who was suffering
from sever depression and he would have these weird mental
attacks that would just leave him unable to function for
months at a time. and then at the end of the book he
realizes that when he was little he was molested by his
dead aunt. it was just on of those forgotten memories that
just subconciously fucked with his head through his whole
life.
it just made me realize that i need to come to terms with
my memories that are screwing with my head. Frank and i
are married now and he still doesn't know what happened to
me he doesn't even know that i tried to kill myself. i know
why i am keeping the thing about my brother away from him.
i simply don't want him to hate my brother for it. i guess
the reason i didn't tell him about the attempted suicide is
because maybe the time has passed now. like the only chance
i had was when i went to his house to recover from the od.
i don't know. should i tell him at this point? i also
think it would only hurt and just give him a huge reason to
spend too much time worrying about me.
i hate it when people worry about me. like when sundry and
jacq. just used to check my arms for new burns or scars
whenever they saw me. i don't know i don't like being
looked after. i especially don't want frank to have to
worry about me. not now. there is no way i would do
anything like that now. i have too much to live for now. i
have my baby. he has given me more to live for than i could
ever give to myself. i would never risk his future for my
unhappyness. i don't know. i think when i get some
insurrence i will get back to the phychiatrist and get
these things worked out so i don't have then bringing me
down every few months and may figure wout how to tell frank
all of these things. he really does need to know all of
these things so that he can understand me at least the way
i need him to when i am feeling low like this. i think i
need to get back on prozac too. that would help a lot.