DayDream Believer
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2003-08-02 20:27:22 (UTC)

One Year

Tomorrow me and Tommy has been tougether for one whole
year. I havent seen him since early Monday morning (long
storry) and soon he is picking me up.
Im a bit scared, cause there are so manny things that`s
been going on lately.

I`ve been so nice to him lately, as good as I can and as
good as he deserves. But he hassent been all thet good
back. Tommy has been nice to me, not bad, no, not at all,
but not as sweet and tender as I have.
I dont think I have noticed in, maybe I have ben ignoring
it, dunno, but when he brough it it I knew it was true even
thouigh I said it wassent.
He said he dindt know he could`t be so sweet to me as I was
to him, he said he wanted to, but just couldnt. I was like,
oh you dont have to sweethart, everyone gets what they
Tommy said that he was feeling sad all the time, and when I
asked why he diddnt knew. He said that he needed some time
alone to think about why he could not be as good to me as I
was to him, and not be sad any more.
I started to cry, this was Sunday night, issnt beeing in a
relationship supose to mean that we are there for each
other, in good and in bad times?
We`re not marrid right, but stil.. I was sorry because the
best thing I could do for him was to stay away. I have told
him before that if he ever needed a break he should just
tell me, but he never did.
He said that I wassnt gonna lose him and that we would see
eachother agen on Satturday.

The thing that happend that Satturday was that I had been
working, he picked me up in town and we went back to his
place. I had been at his place for quite some days and
thought that we was going home to my place that afthernoon.
But then we feelt to sleep and woke up late, we usalt goes
to my place late, but he didnt wanted to. I have payed 1080
NOK to get this card so we can go over the brige to where I
live. (its a pay card, and its cheaper to by a card than
pay everytime)
I was feeling a bit sad about that, we`re always at his
plavce, allmost never at mine, I dont get to se my family
much. But its better that we are at his placem then we can
be alone. But sometimes it would be nice to be at mine to,
if you understand.
But later we went out to by something at the gas station, I
wanted somthing they didnt have and he asked if we was
going to a nother gas station. (they`re pratty close) but I
said that it was the same for me, and he could chose.
Then we drove back to him (stil not verry far) and on the
way up the little hill before the house I aked, wassnt we
going to by some gas? Do you want to he asked. I gave him
the same answer as last time, I didnt matter one way or
the other.
But then we left..
I hurry insine, he was filling gas and I payed for it and
brough us some carrotcake (not the thing I wanted, but they
where out of it to) Went out when he was going in and said
come one and gave him one cake. (I had to pices)He asked if
I had payed and I said yes, he asked if I did it to punich
him cause he didnt drive me home, I sadi no, but it was a
lie. I wanted to play with his conciuos..

Then in bed that night we had the talk about he wanted two
days. Allright I said, Im gone when you`re back from work
tomorrow. He said I didnt have to, I could wait til he got
home and he could drive me, and stay. All he wanted was two
days to think.
The next mroning when he left I told him that I`d be gone
when he was home, and agen he said I didnt had to. He left,
I cryed in bed for like one hour, then got to sleep a few
hours before I cleand up my mess and left. I didnt take all
my things with me, some of them belongs there.
He called me at once I got into twon. He was home now, got
off the day early and was worndering if I wanted him to
drive me home. But I wanted to manage on my own.He said
dont be sad (I had started to cry agen) I`ll see you on
Satturday , I said that I was not coming on Satturday, or
ever, not before he said he was ready. I think that made
him sad, and he sad goodbye.

So this was the start of some days appart.
I have to go now, I`ll give you the rest later.

Love Angel