2003-08-02 05:29:46 (UTC)

Happy Lammas!!!

Well, my life has been weird lately. Supposabaly I look
depressed. I kinda am. I was gonna start school on Thursday
but that didn't happen, and I was really hoping it would no
matter what the cost just so it STARTS. Other then that I
tried to take all the stress out, by going out since I
haven't done so in a week except to drive my mom around
since her wrist is sprained. Other then that my dad got
drunk as hell for a few days straight and he's a diabetic
so he's still in the hospital, and a crappy one too since
we don't have insurance. I went out with my friends and
came home 5 hours late, my mom got pissed at me and I
decided that it is about damn time I move out. Then I
remembered that if that were possible I would have already
done it, but I can't afford it just yet. Everything is
hanging on a maybe and I hate it.

I took another walk. I've been doing that almost every day
now. Most of the time cause I have nothing better to do,
and I want to go outside. Often to go fill out job
aplications but no car and pointless to take bus. I walked
in the pouring rain, thankfully I did bring an umbrella.
First to TBK, ate a veggie burrito, then to Karoline's.

I've been getting in trouble lately for being myself. I
hate it and I wanna move out. My phone got taken away cause
I got home at 5 a.m. last night. A few days before I went
walking in the forest preserve alone. Everyone was freaking
out. It wasn't even dark.I had really uncomfortable shoes.

Arthur told me everyone fears me finding out who I really
am. I guess they fear the way I would express myself, and
things I do, what I want.

I told myself as a young kid of maybe 5 that I want to
stand out. That will be my goal. Much to my surprise I've
accomplished it quite easily. Even though at times I want
to fit in, I really love being me. Whoever that freespirit

(So as to Lammas, I didn't really get a chance to do
anything about it yet. I think I'm gonna clean my room and
read some. Meditate as well prabobly.)