Ode to a psycho!HA!
2003-08-02 03:21:38 (UTC)

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I can't be what you want me to be. That
don't meet your "expectations" as it were. That I can't be
as relaxed and open? as you wish I could be. That I'm closed
off in a little ball shaking in the corner, and I can't be
coaxed easily out of my shell. I'm sorry you think I don't
trust you. I do. and I know you don't want to hear me say
it, but I can't let myself get hurt again. I've hurt myself
too much, and let other people hurt me too much to uncover
my hands from my head, lift my shaking body off the floor,
look at you with out tears in my eyes, and smile, and mean
it. It takes a long time to undue something that leaves you
emotionally shattered and exhausted. But then, you know
that. And Honey, I'm exhausted. I know you want me to be
less shut out, and less closed off, but I don't even know
how to do that. I don't even know what you want to know that
isn't bluntly obvious. What do you want to know, anyway?
huh? That I care about you? You should know that. That I
love you? You know that too, or else you damn well should.
woah, beathe, calm down. I'm sorry. I blew up. I was about
to say a bunch of things I would have regretted saying. I'm
kinda relieved I lost my concentration now. i should go.