Ryan

fasthands135
2003-08-01 02:18:06 (UTC)

to party or not to party

This whole week has been a, well im not sure, but well um
yeah i can i mean no i cant. thats basically what ive been
saying this whole week. Sometimes i think i dont care that
im doing better and thats just what was on my mind this
week. So I stopped taking all my meds. I wanted to be like
everyone else again. what i mean by that is smoking weed
and drinking without havin a seizure or tottaly trippin
out. I dont know if that ect did somethin to me that im
not aware of but when i was smoking i felt so
uncomfortable but i did it anyways cause everyone else was
so high and i wanted to be to. One hit=really high two
hit=im wasted three hit=im trippin so bad i dont know
whats goin on. I just couldnt handle the high but as
painful as it seemed i did it anyways. getting high isnt
like it use to be as a matter of fact to me it sucks big
time. I decided that when im done with my class in three
weeks im going to the hospital. I just dont feel well at
all and i can say that i dont trust myself at times
because im doing something about it. im not going to get
in to exactly how im feeling cause i know that can annoy
people that are reading this. The other day i fought with
this girl online. I wish we wouldnt of fought or however u
spell it. but we did. Yes I know I was an asshole in the
past. but right now so many things in my memory are just
mush from this ect. if i did something bad all i can say
is im sorry and im sure if i remembered most of it i would
probably say sorry anyways. cause shes a nice girl. but
she dosent want to hang out with me. i cant do my best to
make things good. all i can do is get people to fight with
me. I could just use someone to be around or just get a
nice big hug once in a while. and a girl named rach z. if
ur reading this i just want you to know im really trying
hard to be ur friend to. I know between me camp amy and
other things ive been a total ass and loser but give me a
chance to be a friend. it seems im asking a lot of people
this. its just that i feel so different way different. and
i want to tell everyone. im gonna get going now i cant
think of anything else to say.




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