And now for something completely dumb
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2003-07-28 18:45:26 (UTC)

What now?

So, I hate my life and everything about it. I hate the
fact that I've started to fall for a girl. She's
everything I could want in a girl. But I can't have her.
I love talking to her, but it hurts so much. And I can't
describe how much it sucks, knowing you can't have someone
you'd do anything to be with. But what can I say...this
is the story of my life.

What sucks even more is I have been a total dickhead to my
friends because I was so wrapped up in my own problems.
But I'm trying to make it up to them. I don't mean to
justify my attitude and actions towards them, but I'm just
so God damn tired of being hurt by girls.

I can feel it inside me, more now than ever. Its trying
to get out, and I'm doing everything I can to keep it in,
but its too much for me. The asshole in me is starting to
leak out now and then. I have worked my ass off and tried
so long to keep it inside but I don't know how much longer
I can.

Girls aren't the only thing that are troubling me. I
worked my ass off to get clean but lately all I can think
about is doing a line. Of course I realize the
connection. Girl problems were the reason I started doing

I'm tired of being single. I hate the feeling of being
alone. I've had my fun being single, but I want to
remember what its like to kiss someone and it mean
something. I want to remember what its like to feel like
I'm important. I want to remember what its like to feel
the touch of someone that's special.

I'm not sure what else to put, so I guess I'm done.

Song playing: "Rest of my Life" by Unwritten Law
Stupid thing done/said today: Nothin yet...but I'm about
too do something...
Next person to call: Mike D, hopefully...I really need
that job.
Cigarettes today: 0, bout to go have one.

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