once again
2003-07-28 07:06:52 (UTC)

when does it not come back

Rene is a lost cause. I wouldn't sleep witht him on
Thursday and now he's not talking to me. He took another
girl out from work tonight. Nice huh? I guess that's what
I get for liking a 19 yr. old.

Last night, 2 in the morning, Eric called me. Out of now
where, just called. He said he was thinking about me and
wanted to see how I was. He's going to school now and he
has a new job and Cheryl is gone for good. He wasn't sure
if I was still there or up here yet. He told me he missed
me and regrets how things happened. He said he wouldn't
blame me if I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I told
him that I would talk to him and I didn't care anymore, it
was the past. He asked if I would be there soon to visit
and I told him the end of Sept. for Nicole's b-day. He
asked if he could see me. I told him yes. Then I told him
that I missed him, too. He said that it was so good to
hear my voice and I told him likewise.

I'm confused and I want to cry. I told Nicole that he
called and what was the first thing she did? Told Shawn.
He called and left me a message saying that he has been
calling me for the last 2 weeks but I don't have any
messages from him. I don't understand him and I don't want
to. I am however, a little concerned about this Eric
thing. He told me that if I want to talk to him again to
call this time and I told him that I would. It's sad to
say, but I do miss him, alot. I miss what we had but he
threw it all away. I also told him when all this happened
that he would be back and he wouldn't be able to have me
again. AndI know that's what he wants,,,to be with me. But
this time, I'm here and he's there and it might not happen
ever again.

I still wish I was there, only to be able to see Eirc and
feel what he's feeling. But this is life andwhat's meant
to be will be. I just don't understand life right now and
why I keep getting dealt these shitty cards.

One good thing is going on however. My general manager
asked me if I was still serious about this whole management
thing and I told him yes. He told me that gradually he
will start giving me more responsibilities and I will get
to that point. It's the only thing that I can honestly say
I really want. He said he believes he's making a good
choice with me and has no doubt that I will be good at
this. I'm excited about that but when is my personal life
going to improve? When will I stop feeling so alone?