Euphoric Nothingness
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2003-07-27 21:30:34 (UTC)

A Reaffirmation

Sometimes I think that I am trying to hard at things. I
have been told that I try to do too much and don't know
when to ask for help. This is a very true statement, and
the past few days has made this very evident to me.

For years, I have been accused of being too independent.
It's true but I like the amount of independence that I
have. I know that I would be ok without any of my friends
and family, but life would be no where near as enjoyable.
The relationships that have formed, especially since
moving to Orlando 2 yeats ago, have been awesome. Each
one has given me a fresh outlook on things and makes my
life much better.

As I go through the process of moving, I am realizing this
more and more. I need the help of my friends to get all
my stuff into my new place. Whether it's packing or
lifting stuff or what not I need their assisstance. Just
like many of my people rely on me for what assisstance
with their problems or issues.

This afternoon made this very evident. Nicole was over
helping me pack and clean and stuff. We were talking and
enjoying each other's company like we usually do. Like
usual, it was a good time.

As she was leaving and primerily after she left, I further
saw why we should try to be more than just friends. Like
I keep saying, it's not about looks or money or anything
material or superficial. I am starting to believe a
comment that Nicole made to me a few months ago when we
first started talking. She said we were destined to meet
at some point. I think God has placed us in each other's
life for a reason. A special reason.

Over the four and a half months that we've known each
other, we have made the other person so much happier than
we would have been otherwise. Between the walks, work
outs, phone calls, meals, card games, scrabble games, long
talks, hugs, experiences and support that we've given each
other, we have brought out another side of each other that
just makes us more complete people.

I think that if we decided to give a relationship a try,
it has serious potential. We both know that it would be a
hell of a lot of work, but it could be something in the
long run that could be simply amazing. In the beginning
it would probably be kinda weird for other people to see
Nicole and I, who have many different interests and what
not, together. But I think as time goes on it would
become very evident to others, as well as ourselves, that
this could be meant to happen.

I can't imagine myself with anyone else right now. I
can't imagine Nicole with anyone else either. I can't
imagine my reaction if I saw Nicole with someone else. I
truely think that we have what it takes to make it survive
through good times and bad. And it would be one of those
relationships that would survive because we want to be
together and choose to be together, not because we need
each other to pay the bills.

The thing is that I don't know what Nicole is thinking. I
know she has thought about this a lot, but I am not sure
what she thinks of a possible relationship. We've been
through good times and "rougher" times in the past few
months and we are closer than ever. We do little things,
like a game of scrabble or a word of encouragement when
the other is down, to make each other's day just a bit
better. We have a lot of trust and faith in each other
and it is constantly growing. I definitely think we have
something. However it takes two to make it work.

I guess what worries me most right now is that our window
of oppurtunity may be closing. The Fall semester is
comng, Nicole has sorority recruitment, and I am working
plus preparing for the GRE. This is definitely one
situation that I don't want to say "What If" in a couple
of years. My fear is that if we don't try it, we both
could hurt significantly from it. And that is the biggest
fear of them all.........

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