FloydianSlip

Going Postal
2003-07-24 22:22:23 (UTC)

Squimph

I had to go to the doctor a couple of days ago for a
physical and gyno exam. It went pretty well except for I
think my doctor has a little too much caffeine in the
mornings. I think he's physically incapable of sitting
down and staying in the room for more than 5 minutes at a
time.

I've been feeling weird lately, but it could be because of
a lot of different things. My nipples have been extremely
sore all week, but I think I've been sleeping wrong and
smashing them. My stomach's been bothering me too, but
that could just be a case of nerves. Lord only knows what
effects living here will have on you.

I had the doctor give me a pregnancy test just to rule out
that possibility. It came back negative. I didn't figure
I was, but I wanted to rule that out as a possibility. I
guess I must be sleeping wrong on my nipples or something.

I know it kind of freaks out my boyfriend when I mention
the thought of kids. I just know I'm going to be one of
those wives or girlfriends who start nagging that their
biological clock is ticking. I know I want to have kids
someday just not right now.

I think I've pretty much decided that if I ever got
accidentally pregnant and I wasn't ready that I'd have the
baby and give it up for adoption. I can't really see
abortion as an alternative unless my life is at risk and
even then I'd take the risk if the baby could survive.

Do you ever just know something? I know that when I
eventually get pregnant that I'm going to have a girl. I
want a boy, but I'm going to have a girl. I'm 99% sure
that I'm only going to have one child too...with black
hair.

I was recovering from a real nasty headache the other day
and also my gyno exam when I heard the doorbell ring. I
looked out my window to see if I could recognize the car,
but there was no car there. I went to the door and Ricky
was standing there wanting to know if she could buy gas
from us because her car had ran out of gas down the road.

We talked for a few minutes catching up on old times. I
told her about Jeremy and Indiana State. She told me that
she had gotten married at 16 and was now divorced. She may
have a kid, but I'm not sure. There was a kid in the car,
but she could have just been babysitting or something. She
also said she was going to be starting at Vincinnes
University this fall.

The last time I saw Ricky was when I was returning a movie
a few years ago. We didn't really say anything to each
other...just kind of nodded to each other.

We haven't really spoken since my mom dragged us out to the
street corner and made me beat the crap out of her.

Ashley told me that I was one of her closest friends and
she loves talking to me. That was the best damn compliment
I've heard in a while. She asked about my boyfriend and
told me that hers had left her.

They had been together for about 8 months and he has a kid
from a previous relationship. I guess the mother of the
child is moving to Texas and said that if he wanted to see
their kid ever again that he'd have to break up with Ashley
and move to Texas with her and be her boyfriend.

I've never thought it was fair to use your kids to get back
at your partner or to get them back. Your kids shouldn't
have to be put through that kind of abuse just because you
have issues with their father.

She said she was tired of being single and that she missed
having a boyfriend. She told me about when she lost her
virginity and that the first time she ever had sex she got
pregnant. She said she had an abortion and said that she
hopes that I'm not mad at her.

This blew me away because she's always going to church all
the time. She just struck me as one of those real innocent
people who've never done anything worse than steal a
candybar as a kid. She's always so happy go lucky that I
would have never in my wildest dreams thought that was a
skeleton in her closet.

I've never been a real big fan of abortion. I know that
things happen and that sometimes people get raped or incest
occurs. I know that sometimes a baby can put a mother in
danger and either the mom, the baby, or both of them will
die if something isn't done. I don't condone abortion as a
means of birth control, but I know it happens frequently.

I think people sometimes forget that even if you don't want
the baby you can always give it up for adoption. There are
millions of people who adopt kids for one reason or another
who would spoil your baby every chance they got. I think
the best excuse I've heard as of yet had to be, "If I had a
kid I'd get fat and I don't want to be fat." You're
willing to murder a child over 20 pounds or so...a lot of
which will go away as soon as you have the baby.

I realize it's a lot different looking on the outside so I
try not to judge harshly. I forgave Ashley and we're still
close friends. There's a difference between being 15 and
pregnant and those people who use abortion as a form of
birth control all the time. The second I can't accept.




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