TheGreenFairy

Absinthe Inspired Ramblings...
2003-07-23 20:54:05 (UTC)

Lucky

I don't think I've ever felt this lucky... At the moment, I
am staying with two girls from my church... they're a
couple of years older then me, but they'r every nice...
they keep reminding me of how lucky I am to have such a
great guy (Zack) care about me... and I agree... I am very
lucky. Sometimes I wonder if this is it for me... if Zack
is the man I am supposed to be with for the rest of my
life... and I freak out! I am sooo young and have sooo much
ahead of me... why decide now? Well... one reason is that
I'm afraid... I love Zack very much, but sometimes I do
think it would be good to take some time to figure out who
I am by myself before I try to show someone else who I am.
I know that if I made a decision to take some "me" time...
Zack would be supportive. But even though he's assured me
(yes... we have talked about this many times before) time
and time again that he would wait for me... I still don't
want to risk the chance of losing him! He's so special to
me! I have though about it, but I still haven't figured out
what it is that I really want. I would be benificial to
take some time to figure out who I am... but I'd have to
like leave Southern California because I couldn't handle
not BEING with Zack... I mean, we would still be "together"
but... not. If I were to truely take "time for myself" I
couldn't be with him, you know? It would be too hard to be
with him, but not be able to be affectionate. But if I
moved somewhere for a while, it might be a little easier. I
really don't know if I could handle it though. :( I wish it
were easier...