OrganizedConfusion

Conversation Peace
2003-07-23 04:38:16 (UTC)

blarg

Dear Journal,
Here I am to write. AOL is being gay so I have no clue
if it will ALLOW me to even update this. Anyway work sucked
today. I was sooo out of it. I couldn't think of why I had
the sudden mood shift. I honestly still don't get it. It
was just like the moment I set foot in there it was
depressing. I probably made people angry because I was so
out of it. I just couldn't connect and the whole time I was
thinking pull it together. Occasionally I would say put
aside everything and pretend like you just get there and
you are happy and I tried but eventually it would fade
away. Maybe I was just exhausted for some odd strange
reason. I don't know. It is going to be so nice to chill
with Mike when he gets back. It isn't so much that I miss
him but my bad day would seem so much less bad if I could
just be with him for like an hour. Just be around him. In
his presence. As stupid as that sounds. I tried to call
Amanda to go to Dairy Queen with me but she wasn't home so
I went alone. I told them I already got a job and they
asked how Mike was and I said fine. I was kind of suprised.
No how is Melissa's or anything. ::shrugs:: It was probably
nothing. My back hurt earlier. I don't know why. Something
isn't right and I don't know what. I think I am paranoid
something isn't right is all. Writing this is so tiring. I
don't know what to think. Everything is fine and normal. I
know it is. I just like to worry myself. I've been thinking
maybe I am sick off and on latley but I doubt I am. It is
just myself worring to death. I got out the ann landers
ecyclopedia thing to look up stuff. I was feeling crappy
after eating about 2 scoops of ice cream the other night.
For the record that hasn't happened half as often now. That
book is really quite fasinating. You wouldn't think it
would be as interesting as it is but you can read about
something dumb like the stomach flu or something and it
will fasinate you. Anyway I am just retarded I guess is
what that amounted too. This is kind of driving me crazy
though. My body likes to play games with my mind. It knows
if it does something unexpected I will freak out. I don't
know. I'll probably die tomorrow or something. NO for once
in my life I would fight anything to stay alive. I used to
think if I had some crazy killer after me I'd just get it
over with and die before the sequel came out on video but
now it is like, I don't give a shit if he comes after me
again, I just want to live. I suppose that is a good thing.
I found new insperation for my art. Alice In Wonderland. I
think I have something going for me. I am not going to give
away any secrets in fear of sounding like a complete
retard. YAY! Oh yeah I found out my car insurance is going
to be about $350 more then I expected. Well actaully a lot
more then what my mom told me, but I knew what my mom told
me wasn't right so I assumed a little too low. My sister is
insured under her own fucking car and she pays about $200
LESS then I do which her car carries more expensive
insurance then my moms. I know because she said to sign me
up under the least expensive car when they put me on the
insurance. This makes me angry but I still only pay half
what Mike expects to pay. This does however mean 1 1/2
paychecks out of my monthly earnings goes into my car
insurance and probably whatever is left for a car in my
future goes towards paying repair on my sisters peice of
shit. Oh well. You win some and you lose some I guess. Shit
today is tuesday. I have to drive the peice of shit to work
tomorrow. Fun stuff man. I think I am going to start
drinking water for a while and see if I feel any better. I
think I am getting some weird stress side effect. I should
probably get some sleep. Peace.
-- Allie




Ad: