Montana bound
2003-07-22 19:02:59 (UTC)


Okay, now I'm just confused. I go from calling Allison in
the morning, hoping she'll be there so I can finally have a
chance at bringing all the crap running through my head to
a close one way or another; to simply not caring one way or
another the rest of the day. What the hell is going on?

It would be nice to be with Allison, God knows (fuck off, I
know I'm an atheist) I'd love being able to claim more than
friendship with her. Hell, as I write, I'm getting those
old fucky ideas of going down to Athena's to see her at
work, or calling her multiple times in the day hoping I'll
catch her at home. I've got to put this to rest one of
these days.

Of course, the occasional thoughts of Kara and Alyssa don't
help, but thankfully they're few and far between. I can
live with those. If nothing else, delve into some porn, I
know they wouldn't want me doing that, so I really can't
keep them on my mind while doing something so contradictory
with their characters. Although I must say I do believe
it's a sin not to allow Kara to explore and discover such a
luscious body, preferrably with my help.

Damn straight, I'm evil and proud of it.

Anyway, then there's the flip side, the times when I don't
give a shit either way about any girls. Just look at my
history. First, there was a painful mistake, the name of
which I won't mention. Soon after followed by Jr. High
lust, neither of us knowing what the hell we were doing.
Thankfully, that one has since worked out that we're still
friends....with considerable benefits. God bless that
girl. Anyway, skip ahead three years, and you come to
actual caring and the greatest pain I have ever
experienced. Followed nearly a year thereafter by the
deceiving Bitch, though a damn fine one. It nearly makes
me cry to think how wonderful that might have turned out if
churchy morals hadn't entered the scene. Yum.

So, as a result, I'm ready to say screw all women. And
yes, I apply that word in every possible context. I just
can't wait until I can drive. Get the hell out of Utah,
hang out with Julia, and finally be with a girl who knows I
like her and who has no churchy shit like the K-Bitch.
Trumpeting angels and the Lard Gawd Awlmihitae can go blow
themselves, I'll take that self-proclaimed succubus in the
black shirt and dark jeans so tight they'll put a hole in
any man's pants.