Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2003-07-21 06:26:17 (UTC)

Dilbert's Rules of Order

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not
your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing
sound they make as they go flying by.

3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get
along without it.

4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days
the statue.

5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they
aren't there the first time, chances are you won't need them
again.

6. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a
perception problem.

7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the
sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

8. My reality check bounced.

9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the
escape key.

10. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding
through peanut butter.

12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you
are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

14. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their
level, then beat you with experience.

15. A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a
kick in the rear.

16. After any salary raise, you will have less money at
the end of the month than you did before.

17. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are
going to get.

18. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and
carry a clipboard.

19. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and
nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

20. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

22. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look
worried.

23. Following the rules will not get the job done.