Tranquil03

A simple thought...
2003-07-19 05:26:15 (UTC)

Before I leave

Gone for a week ..

I have to say one thing.....I miss you L.T. (For the sake
of anonymity, posting her full name would just be cruel),
but u know who you are.

And wow .. was kinda feeling lonely, reading through
other's diaries and seeing how they respond to
these "messages" they receive from random people, and how
I never seemed to get anyway. Anyways....;)

I realized I tend to have a momentary spur of the moment
feeling of resurgance from time to time, however I like
this one. "Don't tread on me." You know what you want,
so take it. I think the problem with previous attempts
was that I always walked on eggshells and doubted myself.
I think doubt kills.

Anyways, comment. A few nights ago, a friend and I got
into this discussion about the types of people that commit
suicide. I must admit that I was not dissuaded, and I
still maintain that the people that do attempt or even
think are at a point where what they can tolerate (or cope
with) is sub-par to what they are being exposed to at the
time. I read an interesting article about it one time,
and I believe it. It kind of puts things in a new light,
for those that have never experienced it. Although no one
truly knows how meaningful this interpretation has meant
to me, its not for anyone else to know. I just mention it
to make the casual reader / friend just think, and maybe
if and when it hits close to home, remember that.

In hindsight, the reason I established this whole thing is
very simple. I look through, and I believe it to be vain
to "publish" something that is symbolic of your persona --
an all-encompassing story of what you're up to. Granted,
I have been vain simply to do create this in the first
place, but there are degrees my friend :). I have this to
post philosophic and random thoughts -- and more recently
to vent. Sometimes when you feel like blowing up and
there's no one there for you, you've got to turn to
something before you yourself blow up. Although it
appears to be "gloomy" at times, its mainly b/c my senior
year sucked bad, and I -- personally -- key more into my
depressed and morbid thoughts than my happy ones. I don't
know why -- I realized this by looking back on the poetry
that I write.

So yeah. That's my 2 cents. Now I have 2 1/2 hrs of
sleep before I have to make a 12 hr drive -- fun!

Oh, and btw all my friends and compadre's...I have finally
been published. Apparently a poem I sent in to this place
was picked as a semi-finalist in some contest and will be
published in an upcoming release of some poetry book. So
yeah..:) Who cares if I win anything, just kinda makes me
feel good that I CAN actually write something from time to
time that's half-decent.

Zzzzzzzzzz

-D




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