Caroline

The Life and Times of Caroline
2003-07-19 01:30:11 (UTC)

Back to normal

I woke up yesterday morning after the worste night of my
life burning up then freezing from a 101 fever and I felt
like my normal self. I hate being a woman! It sucks ass!
My life has been boring as of late. My older brother is
turning into my father. He is going into the Marines in
September. He made a 70 on his test to get in when the
nations average is 40. I am really proud of him. A few
weeks ago my little borther Philip came over to where I
babysit to hang out with Devry who is 11. WHen he got in
the house I saw that he had a black eye and a red ring
around his neck. I asked him what had happened and he said
Patrick (my older brother) had beat him. It was over
somthing very trivial, wich is not surpirsing because my
dad used to get really mad over the littleest things.
Philip said he threw him on the floor and punched him and
then grabbed hold of his throat and Philip said he started
to pass out and he finally let go. I was pissed off so
bad! I called my mom and I was like what the hell
happened. She said that Patrick has gotten really bad
because my dad is always on his back about something. It
used to be me....I am gone and moved out and now my dad has
to pick on someone else. But I never beat people up
because of it. I hate to think that Patrick is going to be
like my dad. I am always so proud of him and the things he
accomplishes, but I have a hard time having a respect for
him when he does stuff like that. Philip would never fight
back, that is the way he is. He is compassionate and
humble and would give you the world if you needed it. I
hate that Patrick knows that and takes advantage of it.
Patrick also poured ice tea on Philips brand new play
station 2. Philip had been telling me for weeks how many
yards he was mowing just so that he could afford it. It
makes me sick. My dad is a whole other story at the time.
He calls me all the time asking me to go do stuff with him,
go places with him...spend tyime with him. He is driving
me nuts. I am not ready to have a realtionship with him.
He hasn't apologized for anything he ever put me through.
He never will, but I will not completely trust him until he
apologizes and completely changes. He is different and
things in my house are different, but for the most part
there is still to much that he does wrong and that can
easliy be corrected, for me to trust him. He is so damn
unlucky that he does not know me. He doesn't know who I
am, who I have become...if he had known better, he could
have been a part of what I have become as of now and what I
will become in the future. Maybe one day he will realize
that he was wrong. I will let anyone walk over me, but I
am sticking to the fact that I know that I am right in this
situation, he messed up, not me. If he wants a
realtionship, he has a lot of work to do.




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