tbqb12

my stupid mouth
2003-07-17 04:02:55 (UTC)

Oh, that poor, poor boy

i suppose i shouldn't elaborate on that title too much, and
i know that the person that it concerns will never (never
say never) see this anyway. in that case, let me just say
that this boy has my complete sympathy, and i wish i could
tell him i understand, and i wish i could comfort him, but,
alas, this is all to no avail (how dramatic). funny thing
is, i've never talked to this boy...but i do know a good
portion of his life story. sometimes, i even feel closer
to him than i do to the person who tells me about him. do
i have you guessing? good, i like it that way.

i know there are tons of you out there with this same
problem. and it's not even a problem exactly. in fact,
some people might think just the opposite; they might enjoy
this thing that i tend to consider a problem. what i am
referring to is the plight of a person who is considered
a "good listener." do i come off as one of these people?
maybe i only seem like a good listener to certain people.
i assume others think that i am the antithesis of a good
listener...a selfish, one-sided conversationalist. i see
myself as more of the selfish talker than the good
listener, which is why it always surprises me when someone
forces me to be a good listener. and i say "forces"
because i have no say in the matter, seing as i don't want
to protest and, thus, come off as the selfish talker. so i
am relegated to listening when this happens. it's not that
i don't like to listen to what other people have to say,
but once in awhile i'd like to be asked, "so how is your
life since i've been talking about mine for the past hour
and haven't asked you but one single question (and that was
only because it helped to explain what i needed to say)?"

perhaps this whole rant sounbds selfish to you, and you are
saying, "who does she think she is?" well, i have to be
rude here because i find it difficult to be brutally honest
and confrontational. i like to listen, don't get me wrong,
but i like to contribute, too.

the funniest part is, people who are selfish talkers have
NO IDEA that they are. quite amusing, isn't it?


okay, time to get back to un-reality...now, did you
honestly think we could get through the entire summer
without me bringing up my favorite topic. okay, maybe it's
not my absolute favorite, but you know the deal. well, i
just got a detailed report of last weekend's stubenville
retreat (a religious retreat attended by almost 3,000
teens), and i couldn't help but be reminded of the fact
that jeff (along with rat and other kids from their church)
will most likely (unless he devised some plan to get out of
it...which is quite probable...can we say, "who was
supposed to be an usher at graduation and conveniently had
other plans/previous commitments/pressing engagements?") be
attending the same thing this coming weekend. he is
certainly not into "the whole religiong thing," and he
admits to being forced to make his confirmation, which
seems to be pretty common anyhow. so...oh, yeah...he
should have quitethe experience when he sees tons and tons
of his peers resting in the Spirit, getting the gifts of
tears and laughter, and being slain (don't know that i've
ever heard that term before). i'm sure he'll just get all
quiet and reserved and shrink back like he does when he's
uncomfortable (not that i really know...just an
observation). oh well, maybe he's not even going.




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