Bruce Wayne

2003-07-16 19:22:10 (UTC)

The push I need

I went to today and got incredibly
jealous...with no good reason. Keith is a Psychiatrist that
I used to work with at Heritage Hospital. I was always
really fond of him. He's a smart guy who has worked very
hard and fashioned what appears to be a great life for
himself. He has a major motion picture based on his first
two fiction pieces in the works starring Samule L. Jackson,
a television series starring Matthew Modine in development
with CBS. He is a practicing Psychiatrist, and a forensic
expert. WOW. It's bizare to know someone whith that kind of
a resume. I wish I could find the motivation to get going.

I'm going to use this as the push...if he could do it why
couldn't I. I read his stuff and it's definetly good, but I
definetly think I could be everybit as good a writer as he.
He was the kind of guy that I could hand a manuscript to
and ask to get it in the right hands and I'm willing to bet
he would. I'd really like to see him and catch up, although
it might be a little depressing. He'd be talking about
Samuel Jackson, and Matthew Modine and I'd be talking about
Scott and Lisa...yeech I know that part of my reconnecting
would be a selfish thing, but I really did like the guy and
he was always very friendly to me. I was invited to his
XMass party, his book signing...he didn't have to do that.
He's having a signing in Newburryport on the 25th, but I'll
be @ Lollapalooza...another time maybe.

I 'd really like to make a living creatively. This sales
thing is ok, and it's decent change, but I want more...alot
more. I love the idea of making something out of nothing
and creating a world and controlling the outcome.I have to
admit I'd also like to have a modicum of fame and even
fans. I think the lifestyle change is what most interests
me. Maybe I'm not jealous, I'm happy for him and I aspire
to some of the same things. I want mine...not his .
Definitely not jealous...I feel beter about myself now. Was
that just a rationalization? Whatever. As David Lee Roth
said Rationalizations are more important than sex...When
was the last time you went a day without rationalizing?

I'm going to make myself do 1 hour of writing a day and see
where it gets me. I've made these promisses to myself
before but I'm gonna give it another try. Maybe I'll look
back on this one day as the critcal moment. I sure hope so.