blueswede

maybe all the good people are just gone

I saw "Identity" tonight. Very freaky movie. Though it was
somehow less surprising than most mysteries I've seen; I was
able to figure out the ending at one point, though events in
the movie did suggest that I was wrong. But in the end, my
theory was proven correct. Victory is mine.

I've decided to go ahead and buy those DVDs as soon as I get
around to it, cultural biases be damned. Doctor Who was one
of my favorite TV shows back when the PBS affiliate used to
show old episodes on Friday nights. And I suppose there is
no reason to be paranoid about the associated social stigma;
after all, people like that aren't usually worth hanging out
with anyway. And any girl who would judge me negatively on
the basis of my DVD collection probably isn't my type.

I was hanging out with my friend Adam tonight, and based on
our conversations, I think we've both become very cynical in
recent months. And I'm starting to think we're feeding each
other's cynicism, mainly by expressing concurring opinions.
We've both had some bad experiences dealing with girls, and
that's led to a number of "who needs 'em" conversations. Of
course, those aren't negative in and of themselves; in fact,
it's probably a very healthy way to vent. But I can see, in
both of us, an increase in the "life is fucked" sentiment.

I suppose it's understandable given how the summer has been
going for us. He's working all the time, and I'm not really
doing anything except working out and hanging around. Mine
is a pretty pathetic existence, and his may be a little bit
materialistic, but at least he's doing something respectable
instead of frittering away the summer.

Maybe it's just too late. But I really am getting weary of
my current lifestyle. Sure, it's relaxing, not having to do
anything, but it gets really boring when it turns into just
not doing anything. I wonder if this is how the rich guy in
"About a Boy" felt about his life near the end. Then again,
he was getting laid.

In related news, I've concluded that my dating prospects are
roughly zero around here. I don't know whether to blame the
area, my age group, or just myself, but something very weird
seems to have happened. It's almost like the city is cursed
or something, because the only women my age who are ever out
and about are the very same fools who complain about having
nothing to do. Then again, that could just be some trait of
the college-age population, whether in general or just here.

Or it could be my fault, for being fat or setting standards
or whatever. Now by standards I mean intellectal standards
and certain aspects of behavior. I'm not looking for a girl
who fits some media definition of "attractive." Frankly I'm
more concerned with personality and intellect.

Maybe this is just me being stupid, but it really seems like
all the good women are taken. Now yeah, that's probably as
dumb as its inverse, being the popular women's complaint of
all the good men being taken. But I think it's a justified
sentiment, given my experiences. I don't know, maybe I just
don't know the right people. Still, the more horror stories
I hear from my friends, and the more I experience, the more
it seems like "the right people" just don't exist.

Start with my disastrous dating history. Add my lack of any
current success. Blend with the stories I've heard from my
fellow man. And finally, top it all off with the unpleasant
fact that every time I meet some woman who really seems like
my type, she's seeing somebody. Presto, instant cynicism.

Obviously, my observations don't work for everyone. I guess
you just have to look at your own experiences, and those of
others, and then draw your own conclusions. And if you can
stay optimistic, more power to you.

As for me, I'm not sure where to go from here. I suppose it
would be best to see what happens back at college, at least
before completely giving up. But I still can't see anything
on the horizon, and if I keep moving in that direction, I'm
liable to walk into the sea.

Though at that point I'll at least be back on the coast.

This is Dave, signing off.