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2003-07-16 04:45:03 (UTC)

What I don't get It

Lately, I've been very confused about myself. I've always
been honestly, but maybe not to this degree. I have no clue
really. I don't get my motive, nor these natural habits of
mine. I don't think I will care to discuss the details
though; pride issues I guess. A lot of people understand
their needs in life. You can list essentials like food,
water, human interaction, etc. Don't get me wrong, I need
these too. But other then the essentials, I don't really
understand enough to create my list of needs. I'm not so
sure anymore. I've been breaking my ideals or you can say
my mask of lies. A really special person dear to me is
explaining much to me and regretfuly with my suffering
included. I've understood a lot of who I am with this
person. It hurts the most cause I've understood this way to
long ago. Feeling are diminishng too. I think its cause
this person finally sees the truth that I've always seen. I
sad depresing truth that I could see. Maybe I'm becomin way
to melodramatic about this. It's just, I'm suffering, I
need this person and that scares me. I don't need pain,I
don't want it, it hasn't come in a long time. Its the
inevitable, but not like this, please not like this. I
don't see a reason why I can't control myself. I just
can't. TOo many things are turning out to be natural
instinct and stupidity. I don't get much it seems