Mad_hatter

A new beginning
2003-07-15 13:14:17 (UTC)

Rolling suicide

well....I'm the world shitest father. I know thats not the
best way to start, after months of not writing...but thats
the truth. I havent paid child support in 2 months,(but I'm
mailing it in this week finally), I now live in an
apartment thats costly but I'm dealing with it, I dont see
my baby girl anymore,and I have another one due...that I
wont be their for in the delivery room. Not being their
doesnt bother me, simply because I havent been their for
Kathy. I dont understand what my problem is, but hatred is
constantly squeezing my heart.
Its weird having someone else in my life now, but I
enjoy it pretty much. Am I saying that Kathy isnt worth
fighting for..I'm sorta saying that, because she sure as
hell wouldnt fight over me. This new person is a very
pretty and sweet girl, and her and I havent gotten into an
arguement yet. I've learned that girls can bitch, but it
has to stop somewhere. And thats when you began to embrace
the person you care about,and end the conflict without a
word said.
My brother is moving to Orlando this September, and
is asking me to go with him. I dont want to because its not
too late to be in Skylars and Zoeys life, but I do want to
because Kathy has gotten on with her life, and probably
dreads the fact of me being near her at all. I wouldnt mind
being on a beach with my big bro on my left, and Brandy on
my right. Its not a bad thing, and it keeps me
from "comtemplating suicide." I dont want to hold another
knife to my arm, or another gun to my head, getting the
strength to pull the trigger, or make one clean cut. Life
cant be about that shit. I have people around me rooting
for me, praying for me, pushing me to a better life.
yeah....................a better life. One girl...one girl
has drugged me through the ground...but I dove my self
through it also. Fuck this...I'm going to Orlando, and I'll
visit my daughters whenever Kathy allows me to. This is
gonna be an awesome years end...because the beginning of it
was me.........death......rolling suicide.




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