forever changing
2003-07-14 02:56:19 (UTC)


i am not supposed to feel jelous when i see david kissing
someone else especially if it means nothing more than a
kiss to him, but i do and it is only worse that it didn't
mean anything to him i think i know whay i feel this way
too. when we were goin out we never kissed or anything, and
now seeing him kissing someone else when i know that it
could be me that he was kissing and as much as i am glad i
am with mike and i care abut him i cannot help feeling this
toward david. i feel so bad and yesterday mike and i had
this really longtalk about how we feel about our
relationship and all this and he was saying that he feels
guilty all the time because i am this sweet person and he
feels guilty baecause he knows that he is a dick or some
shit like that and he doesn't want to make me bend my
morals or change me from being this sweet person and so i
told him that the main problem that i see is the fact that
he sees me as so innocent and sweet and really though i am
sort of both i am not as innocent or sweet as people may
have made me out to be but i still could not bear to tell
him that i feel guilty as all hell almost all the time i am
around david because i can not help feeling for him even
when i am more than happy with mike and all together it
makes me confused and i don't know what to do. i don't want
to talk to mike about it because i f i tell him that i
kinda have feelings for david and even though i would never
do anything with david it would probably cause mike to
think that we were doing somethign because his mind works
much like mine and immeadiately to the worst case senario
but usually it goes to "what if i did this" but i know if
mike told me that he had feelings for one of his female
friends that he spent a lot of time with i would be very
uneasy and i have a feeling that he would do that same and
so i sit and feel all these things that i know consciously
that it is all my fault and as jelous as i feel about
seeing david with other peopl ei have to realize how he
must feel when i am with mike. and then also i have to
realize i am with mike and my curious thoughts of david are
nothing more than thoughts right now and if it is really
ment to be then in time we will get the timing right!