wide_eyed

this is me
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2003-07-13 10:33:52 (UTC)

There s a smile on my face, but..

There's a smile on my face, but I'm not happy.
I'm dancing, but my movements are automatic, distracted - I
have rhythm but no soul.
To the casual onlooker I am one of the crowd, getting down
to the music, shaking my thang, having a good ol' boogy. I
am surrounded by people but alone. So alone. Waves of
loneliness rise like bile in my throat and it takes all my
strength to force them down, to quell the feelings and
suppress the urge to scream that is threatening to take
over my whole body. I desperately want somebody to notice,
to be aware that something is not right and I'm balancing
delicately on the verge but the camoflage is too good.
The last song the DJ plays is "the Time of my life" and I
am out the door and into the night by the first chorus,
fighting back tears, the edge of my fist in my mouth.
I have never felt so lonely and I want to die.

(c) mike curd 2003


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