lindsay ann

somewhere in between
2003-07-13 06:06:33 (UTC)

ladies and gentlemen...

a two. as in two out of five. as in i did not pass the ap test. and i
broke the soap dish in our shower. and i don't give anything my
full effort. and my mom announced to me i need to decide in the
next week whether or not i'm going to run..and i need to decide if i
want to drop any classes for next year. and something about
needing to decide if i care about anything...which obviously i do.
just not what they want me to. argh.

and then my dad told me i might as well not go to a four-year
college if my only goal is to waste his money. ahh what i wouldn't
pay to say something snotty and sarcastic right now. hmmm...keep
it in.

but here's how i feel at this moment: i don't want to run cross-
country because i've never been able to give it my full effort and i
really want a job...and my parents finally said i may get one
whenever i'm not in a sport...and i'm considering just not doing
cross-country at all...i mean i've considered it for a while. i cannot
honestly say i could do it with all my heart. but i feel obligated to
do it. i really need to pray about this one...because if i decide to do
it, i have to go to practices and stuff over the summer...and if i
decide not to, then i can go looking for a job at the end of summer
when a bunch of people are quitting...yeah...we'll see...if i stick with
cross country, will it only be out of pride? i need to figure this
out...ohh yeah...but my mom is convinced if i don't do it this year,
colleges won't like me because it will be obvious that i can't stick to
anything (rightooo)...i can't stick to things i don't like. do the few fun
things like stanford and...well...stanford outweigh the rest of the
season which i loathe??? hmmm...

ohhh ps. i'm still in carpool. i literally cried when my mom told me.