forever changing
2003-07-12 19:33:00 (UTC)

ahh the joys of home

well i just got home three nights ago and already i am
annoyed with the people around me. last night there was a
concert down the street from mikes house so some of us went
over to his house before. i had stopped by davids to see
him and give him a little thing i got for him while i was
gone. so i ended up hanging out there for about a half an
hour longer than i had expected to and it was really cool
just seeing him alone because when it is just the two of us
he acts differently than if there are other people around
and so then we went down to mikes and everyone was being
really loud and i was getting annoyed so i went in mikes
room and layed down. then i just got more annoyed because
everyone was so fucking loud so i just left i walked up to
my car and then i just fiddled around there for a few
minutes then went back down cause really i just needed a
little time to myself. when i got back down to mikes
everyone was stating to head over to the concertso i went
in to get my purse and me adn mike talked for a lil bit
then we went down to the concert also. my stomache started
hurting so i was really just sitting down not really paying
attention to anything. tessa had some "juice" and david and
her decided in order to not let ashley have any cause she
had taken some sort of pain pills they drank all of it.
david seemed a bit of but he said he wasn't even buzzed.
and ashley seemed lie she was over dramatasizing whatever
the side affects of what she had taken are and then like i
was sitting on the floor next to david , he was in on e of
the seats, and he pulled my face really close to his and he
smelled really bad because of the juice and i pulled
awayand my fishnet shirt got caught on the seat when i was
trying to push away and it got a hole in the arm. later i
was outside and desided i was goin to go inside and sit. i
got half way across the room when i saw ashley and david
goin at it and it made my stomache turn i walked right back
outside and was shaking cause it creeped me out so bad.
tessa and i tyalked about how we both know that it is a
good possibility that ashly will get attatched to david and
so i decided to talk to david and i told him that i know
ashley pretty well and unless he is interested to be
careful cause ashley has a tendency to get attached and he
kinda bit his lip and looked like he really wasn't
interested at all. then later he actually asked her if she
was goin to get attached adn she said no and he asked me if
he could trust that i just told him "even if she doesn't
think she will she sometimes does so she might and she
might not the choice is yours" and then they both
dissapeared a little later and had not come back when i
left. mike was with some of his friends then i didn't see
him for a while and when i did see him he was always
talking to someone else and he had i think thre numbers on
his arm by the end of the night and consiously i know that
he would not cheat on me and that i have nothing to worry
about and that he does care about me, but at the same tiem
there was this part of me that just wanted him to be with
me. i wanted him to hold me or just aknowledge my
exsistance for more than 3 seconds. toward the end of the
night he told me he was sorry that he didn't spend very
much time with me and all this stuff and we sat together in
the seaats but even then he didn't put his arm around me or
anything. something in me just wanted to cry adn i don't
know why.i was just completely upset adn tessa kept
pointing out how he meets all these girls everywhere he
goes and this one girl i had met at school came up to tessa
when i was sitting by her and said something like i think
mike likes me more than you tessa asked what did he do and
she said i don't know but he has my number now and for some
reason that just hurt and that was when i started feeling
like i wanted to cry. i know that he has a lot of female
friends and really i am fine with that because i know i
have male friends and i would hate it if mike didn't want
me to have guy friends but i just wish he would have spent
more time with me
i am a moron i know he cares about me and i care about him
what more could i ask. i don't want to try to change him
because if you love someone you wouldn't want them to
change but there was just something last night maybe it was
just the sudden shove back into my real life that caused me
to want to break down at least i kept myself together fro
the most part until I got home.