once again
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2003-07-12 07:40:15 (UTC)


I gain wisdom every time I reread what I've written over
the past 2 years. I gain wisdom every time I fall but
build myself up again. I gain wisdom all the time and I
unserstand this, however I don't feel I ever become smarter
in my ways.
Shawn i screwing up bad and it's eating me alive knowing
thatI'm not there to fix it for him like I used to. But I
know that's not healthy, I know that life doesn't work like
that but I got so used to having to take care of someone
and now that I don't, I'm not quite sure where my purpose
Rene like me so much and this whole rumore thing at work is
killing us both. I don't know what we are to each other
but I know that everytime we go a week before we work again
he gets sad. I tried to make him see good in it so we
don't get sick of each other, but it's almost as if we
don't have time to. I don't know if this is one of those
just for fun things or what the purpose is but I'm really
starting to like him.
All I really know is that being in love with Shawn still is
bad for me emotionally. I don't know what will stop it.
He fucks up and for a few minutes I'm like this is why we
don't need him but hten I'm like I can make it go away for
him. But then when I think about that it just makes it
worse for me cuz I give and give to him and lose myself in
the process.