incubus

lotism
2003-07-09 20:06:07 (UTC)

dead to the end

Well I just got back from camping not too long ago and had
an amazing experience there. I swam in the river, climbed
a mountain and sat under the stars until my eyes dried out
and my neck got a cramp and loved it. Every moment really
was exciting for me just because I hadn’t really done all
of them before. The camping trip made me realize a lot of
what I’m missing in my own life and all the things I
should be doing but not. I guess I hadn’t had that great
of a time lately, the last exciting thing I’d done was
when I was about 12. It’s really shown me how things have
slowed down in my life and no chance of recovering those
moments. I would never consider life boring or anything or
anyone boring, I just wait for something exciting to take
my life in a turn, do something I never did and enjoy to
every drop. I never get any younger and memories fade ever
so fast. I want to make a million memories just to travel
20 years ahead and look back on the life I’m glad I lived.
If life is something that you can’t enjoy then what the
hell is its purpose? It’s just another word to reassure us
that were apart of something, that from all those who
suffered before our time we have something they don’t
have, life. And I’m thankful that I have that freedom, and
when you think about it life is something so extreme to
those who even exist who have wasted there gift that I
hope I’m never the same. But it’s a sad thing to know
ahead of time what my day will be like, sitting around and
doing nothing. Maybe soon ill be able to predict my life.
I guess I can’t expect to have a busy life and expect the
dull colors of it fizzle out. If I didn’t have any spare
time I wouldn’t have time to draw or write down my
thoughts. It all evens out but sometimes I feel like
there’s more that I could do, something that I either have
been to afraid to do or didn’t know about. I’m the
ignorant fool in my own existence and no way of escaping.
But when I’m older I simply chuckle and eventually realize
of how much shit I didn’t do as a kid, sit in regret and
wait for death to take me.

Cheers,
Alex




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