Jai

Sex, drugs, rock and roll
2003-07-08 06:58:22 (UTC)

I have nice tits


i do. my tits rock the world. i was looking on bmezine.com
(my fucking bible) at the pics of pierced nipples cuz i was
thinking about getting mine done and it really made me
appreciate my tits. They were all like deformed-some were
like banana shaped, and there were lopsided ones, and
little pointy ones, and there was one pair that resmebled
jean chretien. freaky shit i tell you. i wonder if those
girls realise they have ugly tits. No, probably not, cuz
they woulda killed themselves by now. I was actually almost
in tears some of them were so freaking disgusting.
yeah! i love me boobies. of course, i've always thought my
tits were superior....just cuz they're mine, but now I know
they actually are superior. And i've decided nipple
piercings not for me-don't wanna messup a good thing. They
could be bigger though. I like big boobs, mine just aren't
big enough for my liking. I wouldn't get implants though-
anchor shaped scars and tits harder than rock also aren't
my thing.

So yeah, been busy as usual. working lots-next paycheck im
gonna be fucking rich! (haha not quite)
uh...monday went to jesses funeral. that really sucked.
maybe if his family had paid any fucking attention to him
they would have known he wasnt religious and its stupid to
give him a funeral dictated by christians.

Canada day-yeah, that sucked too. I spent it the exact same
as last year-in the hospital. me n some people did some
shit, went to go see our towns fireworks display, which was
quite trippy, and then went to this kickass party where i
decided i should do alot of drugs. I was drinking too-and
normally I don't drink and do drugs, but since it was
Canada day i thought it was ok. Well later got really sick,
threwup alot, blackedout on and off, so left the party, and
went back to mels house where i continued to be very sick
so they took me to the hospital. There was only one nurse
working-no fucking doctors, which in my opinion, means they
shouldnt be allowed to call themselves a hospital. I didnt
wanna go there in the first place-but i didnt really have a
choice. All the nurse could do was gimme a bed to lay down
on, and she gave me some shot that was supposed to calm me
down. More drugs! just what i needed. Some people stayed
with me for a while, and mel and kyle stayed the whole
night in the room with me. When i woke up i did not feel
good at all-i could barely remember the night before,and
was super dizzy. We left the hospital and i went back to
mels and hungout there for a while till they were convinced
i was ok to drive home. Most people od once and at the
very least avoid doing it again, but no, not me, i have to
od like 30-40 times before it gets in my head that it sucks
and i shouldnt do it. I'm probably getting close to 30
times by now.

Jasons coming home on Thursday!!!! People have been talking
about a welcome home party kinda thing for him, so thatll
be cool. after no drugs, or drinking, or partying for over
a month it seems a good way to welcome him back.

Sex....still not enough of it. I've my reasons though. That
reason being I hate the goddamned pill and its messed up my
life. ok im exaggerating it hasnt messed up my life, but
its fucking evil. I've had my period for like fucking ever.
This isnt right.
I havent slept with raf since the last time i mentioned
him...i guess that wouldve been almost a month ago. Too
fucking long. We keep in touch solely through melanie. What
usually happens is melanie will be at his place and she
calls and says i should come over, and then we fuck. its
not a very good system. She made one of those calls a few
days ago and left a message for me to go over there, but i
didnt get in until late. Raf one time after we had sex we
were just kinda talking and he was going on about how much
he sucks, and i told him he didnt, and he said he'd be
better if he had more practice so i'd have to come over
like once a week so he could get better. And i said once a
week wouldnt satisfy my needs, so he said i could come by
anytime then. it was one of those conversations that you
say soemthing just kinda kidding, but something actually
comes of it. Like he meant it when he said i could come by
anytime, but still i wouldnt do that, just cuz it started
out as a joke, so its not something i'd feel comfortable
doing. ok that was confusing. but he does live right
beside the place i work so if i were to stop by it would be
awfully convenient.

I hate saying no to people, especially when I want to say
yes. and when i say no alot. I feel really guilty....i
shouldnt, but i do. I primarily blame Jason for this, and
Howe....I could blame Dan and Ryan a bit too. Jason makes
me feel so guilty when i turn him down-i dont know how he
does it, half the time he actually is able to get me to
change my mind and fuck him. its not against my will-cuz i
want to, and he knows that, otherwise id hope hed drop it.
Ive been saying no alot lately cuzza this whole evil pill
side effects ordeal, and its not like i can explain why im
saying no, cuz thats nobodys business, so i have to lie,
and im the worst fucking liar. I still havent slept with
ryan, not saying it will happen, but hes called quite a few
times, and he probably thinks im just not interested cuz i
lie and i just sound so fake. See i could never fake an
orgasm if i wanted to-the guy would just totally know.

my shrooms are doing fucking sweet. I had no idea there
would be as many of them as there are. I was planning just
to grow some for like personal use, but it would take me
several years to use them up, so im gonna sell some. won't
be hard at all to get rid of em. Wes came and looked at my
shrooms, and i didnt know what variety they were, and he
thinks theyre penis envies. thats an actual variety of
shrooms. they do look alot like penises, just really
skinny.

I am not going to go see a shrink. decided i can't do it.
it would like blow my mind and id never be the same again.
im happy being fucking insane.

And words of wisdom i stole from somebody else:

"We live in an age of the politically correct point of
view and are in great danger of this being used as a subtle
form of censorship"

so true.




Ad: