Anrui Kurayami

Kurayami's Tears
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2003-07-07 18:23:06 (UTC)

My December

So many things have happened since my last diary entry...
I've been neglecting, and I'll probably get worse and worse
at it over time.

I have fallen out with Suiren... I know it seemed like I
would always love her, and somewhere within me I probably

She tried to steal my book... after that things went
downhill. We argue over everything nowadays... She's always
trying to change me, and I don't want to be changed. Cat is
my friend now... always my best friend, as she should be.

Lavender is a growing saga though... Still going! ^_~ I
have a major fan, a malaysian girl called Sakura who is
also my friend. She drew me a gift art.. Anna and Fliss
from Lavender.

Suiren had a benny today over my deputy head teacher coming
to me and asking how my writing was doing. She said I was
showing off... but honestly, I just wanted to sink through
the floor.

Well, since my last entry, i have flown a motored glider,
nearly been promoted to corporal for being insane and given
up my book.

Thats what I said... I gave up my beloved book to Suiren. I
couldn't bear to fight for it. It still makes me cry.

I keep thinking of things I could write, then I remember...
I can never write it again. It's like a part of me is
gone... I feel like crying when I see all the old files and
stuff. But I couldn't bear to fight with Suiren over it
anymore. I thought by giving her it she would at least be
nicer to me about writing and stuff.

But no... If anything, its worse. All the characters I
designed and loved are hers... hers forever. I can't do a
thing with my beloved Kitsune or Neko or Mouko... and
Suiren doesn't care about all the pain it causes.

My mum understands a little. She had a similar betrayal...
yet she still tells me to remain civil. Like I can...

I loved that book, god dammit. Next time mum says about it,
I'll say "Could you forgive Linda and Nigel?" Maybe that'll
hurt her, but she'll see my point of view.

I'm going to talk to Blair on MSN, see what she says to the
question "How would you feel if you couldn't do U14 for any
reason? If it was taken away from you?"

I miss Cat... she's in Belgium or something... Just when I
need her most.

I feel so terrible.. why did I ever give my book up so