blueswede

The Nine Faces of Dave
2003-07-07 07:25:23 (UTC)

not a new identity, just a new life

In the last five days, I've managed to make no progress with
respect to my weight-loss plan. Since last Tuesday morning,
I've shot back up and come back to the same level. I guess
this might be like what I've seen before, where I hit a low,
bounce back up on the weekend, and then have massive weight
loss again in the first part of the week. The fluctuations
can be pretty discouraging, but I guess I just have to keep
things in perspective and look at long-term trends.

Not much has changed since my last update. I've started up
one of my older games again, this one being "Shadowrun" for
the Sega Genesis. It's truly a brilliant game; I don't know
of any other cyberpunk RPGs. Sure, there are some flaws, as
with pretty much any game, but it's still among the greatest
games I've ever played. I'm thinking it might be time for a
new take on it.

On that note, I've started learning about game programming,
thus following through on my original motivation for getting
into computer science. I purchased a book on the subject by
Andre LaMothe, which my CS friends have recommended, though
I have yet to begin reading. I'm not sure whether now is a
good time to really undertake a massive educational project
like this, with all the focus I've been devoting to my diet
and exercise plan, but if nothing else I've obtained some of
the resources I'll need for when I really have the time and
motivation to start something.

I had another dream last night that showed my preoccupation
with the past. It didn't really seem to be about anything;
mostly it was just me walking around places and running into
people I knew. Though interestingly enough, not one of them
recognized me, which I thought somewhat strange.

Maybe it's reflective of the changes I've been undergoing as
of late, both physical and psychological. I'm definitely in
better shape than I've been for years, and I'd say I'm more
confident than ever. Perhaps the dream means that, in some
way, I don't really recognize myself. After all, Perls said
that you play every part in your dreams. Either that, or it
might be reflective of a desire to basically become someone
else, to make it such that no one will recognize me.

It would be interesting if people didn't recognize me. Then
I could build a whole new identity for myself, but secretly
have all sorts of knowledge about people and situations. It
would almost be an unfair advantage.

Of course, I'm not particularly concerned about establishing
a new identity. All I really want is a new lease on life, a
chance to do things right and compensate for past mistakes.
I have plenty of those, believe me.

I guess that's what my plan has been about all along; taking
the necessary steps to get something of a fresh start, even
if it will only really make a difference in new situations.
But I suppose that's where it ultimately counts; after all,
obsessing about the past hasn't done me any good so far, and
I think the only way I'll be able to forget it is to somehow
find something new.

I'm not going for a whole new beginning. I just want to be
able to travel in the right direction from here on.

This is Dave, signing off.




Ad: