Hannah Rose Cherry

sex

I had to make my diary private now, i dont even want becca
reading this and i really feel bad about it. I feel
compleatly terrible that i cannot tell her this but i know
she'd be very upset with me if she ever found out. I lost
my virginity to my...um....friend last night. he's becca's
older bro's friend and somehoe becca has a problem with me
even talking to him and i really dont understand why, not
really. i really like scott, he's a great guy, but i
totally want to kill myself for ever getting into something
seriouse like this again. i can see this is like GArrett
all over again, and i really dont wanna hurt scott becuase
he's such a great guy, so gentlemanlike haha. he's 17, he
drove me to his house ect ect...yea...i feel so comfortable
and safe with him and even though he promeses he would
never hurt me ect ect..i just feel like this happens too
much. i was'nt mean to be in a real relationship, i alwyas
fucxk it up, he's to good for me. alwyas telling me
how "perfect: i am and how "beutiful" i am and i just wanna
turn away and cry becuase i know he's being seriouse. i
just feel like it's way too good to be true, HE'S way to
good to be true.I fucking hate myself for ever even talking
to him in the 1st place!!! i want to fucking kill myself
befor i get into anything to terrible! i dont even wanna
say that stupid 4 letter word ever again, and i'm not going
to, i'm being an idiot and i know it. i'm so confused i
dont know what to do....i keep thinking about him and i
hate myself so much for it. i'm going to get off this
subject now and congradulate myself on finally loosing my
virginity, and now that it's gone, i feel relived. i really
feel good, it was awosme! i dont even care that i'm only
14, it doesent seem to make a difference to me becuase i
just felt so ready, evorything was perfect, and i could
tell it was just totally the right time and evorything. i
feel really stupid so i'm just going to go, i feel
terrible cant tell becca or stephanie. i'm gonna go now,
bye....

current music:Incubus-"idiot box"