~damastez~

Damastez
2003-07-05 17:10:35 (UTC)

confession

there's a lot of truth in pain. some know this, some
dont. others embody this...

in a book i once read, this guy was held completely against
his will, and tortured by a woman...brutally...day by day.
in his state of pain, he lost touch with the very base of
his being, his mentality crumbled. he held no cognisant
thoughts on day or night...is my laundry done...where are
my friends at...nothing but pain..and the unconcious that
followed.

the military applies this technique to inductees...break
them down to their most basic character, then rebuild them
in thier own image....cults do this too...

back to the story

he was captured, suspended, and whipped everyday until the
point where he knew two things. 1. he wouldnt die 2.
the pain would be there when he was awake.

she was quite good at her job. at one point, out of the
darkness, he finds another emotion hidden in all of the
turmoil. love. he realized that when he come to embrace
the pain, to know it...to love it, he also came to love his
captor.

and the day after this revelation,...he killed her. he
kissed her, embraced her, then ran her through.

now, wtf is this all about?

theres something pure in torture, but in a different way
with different results that ive described. his captor
didnt love him, thats the difference in the reference.

i wish to be tortured, maniacally tortured, but by someone
i love. hands bound overhead, manacles too tight, the whip
a little to unforgiving. leave wounds ...fuck leave scars
across my back. let that be my wedding vows. let the
infliction of pain bring about the recourse of love.
nothing imbues love like pain. remember that kiddos.

i wanna feel the lashings on my back. why? cause
initially, your first emotion will be hatred. intense
hatred for whoever causes you the pain.

then you break. no one is superman as much as tv would
like you to believe. you will succumb to pain. everyone
does...just a matter of time. so when i break, theres
absolutely nothing, im ready for the mold.

herein lies the difference i spoke of. my captor would
love me. the story's captor did not.

my captor would take me down, nourish me, love me, tend my
wounds. in doing such, uniting the tie that binds us to an
unbreakable point. pain imbues love.

~damastez~




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