Sherry

.... on Living and Loving
2003-07-03 20:40:28 (UTC)

The friendship is on hold... everything is...

Sherry: why can't you just let me know what you are
thinking/feeling?
Mike: I have tried a few times to write you but it seems so
repetative
Sherry: if you go so far as to type it once.. then it must
have value.. eh?
Mike: not rally
Sherry: yah.. I say the same things over and over
Mike: really^
Sherry: and over
Sherry: I hate it too
Sherry: but I do it much more often than you do
Mike: but I think it makes you feel better
Sherry: when I'm not saying it.... typing it.. .I'm
thinking about it
Mike: it makes me feel worse
Sherry: sometimes it makes me feel worse
Sherry: but it's still how i feel.
Sherry: actually i prob already feel bad... and not saying
it doesn't make it better
Sherry: so i may as well say it
Sherry: huh..
Sherry: are you typing stuff
Mike: ok.... gest of it.... my fault...... so sorry....
please forgive me..... be my friend.... I love you.... more
than ever.... blah. blah, blah
Sherry: oh
Sherry: lol
Sherry: thanks
Mike: see no e-mail needed
Sherry: I guess not
Mike: you still have to use your coupon tho
Sherry: when do you 'spose I'll stop loving you like I
do...
Mike: :D
Sherry: umm
Sherry: I dunno
Sherry: about that
Mike: when I screw someone else?
Mike: lol
Sherry: eww..
Sherry: thanks
Mike: I sooooo feel like I am a waste of your time... you
don't see that
Sherry: YES.. I do see that's how you feel.
Sherry: how can i not see you feel that way?
Mike: I assume you don't feel that either, but...
Sherry: no.. i don't feel that
Sherry: although it may be true
Sherry: I give up on everything.. why can't i just give up
on you?
Mike: and then... wait... what's up with all this Mike's
death stuff?
Sherry: I dunno
Sherry: but it was sad
Sherry: VERY
Mike: I would have cried too
Sherry: prob cuz I'm always thinking about us not being
able to be anything anymore
Mike: but quit
Sherry: it'll be too late
Sherry: one of us will be gone
Mike: yeah, but the way you described it feels like NOW
Sherry: and I assume it will be you .. because I am meant
to be sad... and that would be a huge sadness
Mike: you are NOT meant to be sad
Sherry: .....
Mike: did you ever think that all these 'lessons' were to
show you how much you have outside of your focus?
Sherry: no
Mike: I knew that
Mike: but it is true
Mike: ok...
Mike: brb
Sherry: I think i musta been horrible in my previoius
life..
Sherry: ok
Sherry: cuz i'm not so bad in this one.
Sherry: BEER IS GOING TO BE MY FRIEND TONITE
Sherry: I have been thinking about cutting all ties with
you...
Sherry: I honestly don't think it would help me
Sherry: I'd probably be worse off.
Sherry: I wasn't so bad before you mentioned not wanting to
be more than friends with me.. then it hit me... I was so
hurt.... and sad... and I have no reason to be... I still
feel the same way I did 2 yrs ago... even tho we aren't
together... we still have a connection...
Sherry: I don't know what else I can do
Sherry: it's obvious that you really aren't ever going to
change your mind.. and I should stop 'wishing'
Sherry: that one day you'll be different
Sherry: if only it were that simple
Sherry: I can try to rationalize actions.. but I can't do
so with feelings.
Sherry: I have also been wondering how you can put up with
me
Sherry: I mean, if someone were to me the way i am to
you... I'd just want to get rid of em
Mike: lol
Mike: I so don;t wanna get rid of you, Sherry
Sherry: did you read all of that?
Mike: I feel that way about ME
Sherry: funny.. we both wonder why the other puts up with us
Mike: why would you hold onto something/someone that has
treated you he way I did/do....or make you feel like I do
Sherry: because the good is worth the bad
Sherry: it's always worth it.. until it isn't anymore
Mike: but you seem to be all good to me, and I seem to do
nothing but bad to you
Sherry: I don't know what to say
Mike: even the simplest of things ... like to keep the
connetion there... I try to close that
Mike: I am bad]
Mike: so bad
Mike: I think I need to be tied up and spanked
Sherry: I am sad...
Sherry: so sad
Sherry: tied up?
Sherry: >:)
Mike: maybe to a rafter in a cabin or something
Sherry: *smile*
Mike: just make them fur lined hand cuffs
Mike: my wrists might chaff otherwise
Sherry: when things get to serious.. you switch to sex
talk.. SMOOTH
Mike: nah... I switch to humor.. not sex
Sherry: tied up
Sherry: rafter
Sherry: = sex
Mike: that was funny
Mike: not sexy... because I am afraid of being tied up
Sherry: true
Mike: I wouldn't do it
Sherry: anyway.. nice switch
Mike: thanks
Mike: humor is better than anything sad serious or otherwise
Sherry: humor only last for a short time
Sherry: doesn't change anything
Sherry: I'll admit it is good tho
Mike: there is always humor hiding behind every comment...
even the most pitiful
Sherry: yeah
Sherry: brb
Sherry: please don't leave yet
Mike: ugh...
Mike: ok
Mike: I'll wait
Mike: sadness only lasts as long as you let it
Sherry: ok
Mike: humor is the same way... trust me. From someone that
can find the humor in anything... you can laugh your whole
life if you want. Humor is always there. As is saddness.
Mike: you just need to decide which you'd rather feel
Mike: me... HUMOR
Sherry: it just depends on if you can find humor in a
certain situation
Sherry: it isn't possible in all
Sherry: I don't think this one is funny
Mike: it is there... maybe you can't see it, but I have yet
to find a situation I can't
Mike: even if it is sick, politically incorrect humor... it
is still funny
Sherry: i spose
Sherry: I want you to do something for me
Mike: more people need to see the laughter behind the
serious stuff
Sherry: .. leave me alone... until I decide to contact
you..
Sherry: .. could be an hour.. a day.. a month.. a yr
Mike: because the serious stuff when looked upon w/ vergin
eyes... isn't that serius really
Sherry: HELLO
Mike: ok
Mike: bye
Sherry: not yet
Sherry: I say go
Sherry: and I didn't yet
Mike: well, I can do that
Mike: but I might be driving by your place in odd hours to
see if your car is there
Sherry: alright
Mike: so you are saying good bye to me?
Sherry: just until i say hello again
Mike: 'for now'?
Sherry: I think I am
Mike: yeah... but a year?
Sherry: no promises
Mike: probably never then.... this is what your dream was
about!
Mike: I am dead to you
Sherry: I"m crying now... DAMN... I just want you to know
that I'm certainly not better off.... I'm not happier...
and I will never love you less...
Mike: that's cool though... *gulp*
Mike: well, don't take this the wrong way, baby... but...
BRAVO to you
Sherry: woohoo.
Mike: I won't even log onto yahoo... so you don't get
tempted, I guess
Sherry: it seems so silly to have to do this....
Sherry: but I've run out of options
Mike: you were the only one I ever takled to on here anyway
Sherry: ok..
Sherry: I am going to be worse I just know it
Sherry: I feel it already
Mike: I understand.. really I do
Sherry: I am.....
Sherry: ugh.
Sherry: I think I promised you once.. that I wouldn't do
this... I'm sorry.. it's me.. I"m the sorry one this
time...
Mike: I just wonder when it'll be next, then... will you be
married ( :D ), dating... lonely... hate me... excetra
Sherry: I'll just be me
Sherry: the same
Mike: that is impossible
Sherry: always loving you.
Sherry: it's not
Mike: but ok]
Mike: and I knew it from the beginning...
Mike: I truely think this is better for you... it is what I
would tell my best friend to do... and I have... I have
told you
Sherry: what would be better for me would be for you to be
different
Sherry: that would be the best thing for me
Sherry: .. not this
Mike: I wish I could make you feel otherwise, but that
would defeat my presence as a friend
Sherry: I have to go... you are not making me feel better
by telling me I'm doing the right thing.. that isn't
helping.
Sherry: I love you *always*
Mike: ok.. don't do it then
Mike: I take it back
Mike: it is silly to give up what we have made grow?
Sherry: there isn't anything else i can do
Sherry: it isn't fair of me to be like i am to you
Sherry: either
Sherry: I don't like myself much for that
Mike: well, aren't we a bunch of 'don't like ourselves'
kinda people
Sherry: i guess we are
Mike: ok
Mike: I await your words of return.... I guess
Mike: good luck in anything that might come your way, but
please remember you have a hidden friend in Pigeon
Sherry: alright.
Sherry: Ciao.
Mike: I will always be there for you if/when you need
ANYTHING
Mike: 'cept maybe money :)
Sherry: Bye Mike.
Mike: kinda unfair....
Sherry: I am going to drink now
Sherry: and cry
Sherry: and smoke
Mike: shouldn't I have gotten the opportunity to take a
picture of you or something?
Sherry: no
Sherry: BYE
Mike: send me one...
Sherry: if you have something important to say.. you can
email me
Sherry: but I won't respond
Sherry: just so you know
Mike: no I can't
Sherry: I mean really important
Sherry: like..
Sherry: I dunno
Mike: I wouldn't though
Sherry: you will know when it is important
Sherry: ok.. your choice
Mike: it would break my promise
Sherry: right.
Sherry: maybe if you discover #2 wasn't so bad
Sherry: or something
Mike: but, yes... if I need a true friend I hope I can find
one in Bay City
Sherry: /:)
Sherry: bye.
Mike: lol... #2 was the best option
Sherry: nah.. it's the one you can't do
Mike: but not an option I could do
Sherry: ok. ok..
Mike: I guess best choice... but not an option
Sherry: I will miss you and our silly chats.
Mike: I will miss everything... don't doubt otherwise
Sherry: bye.
Mike: yeah
Mike: bye




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