thea

the semi-secret life of thea
2003-07-03 05:31:28 (UTC)

Did God speak to me?

Last entry(from regular diary): "But i don't even know if
i'll make it that far into my future. *blink* I could DIE
before then. Oh well. G'day to you and yours, ~thea"

By that last statement, i meant that I might, errr, not
make it until then. Meaning, i very well may have killed
myself by then. But want to know what's very strange? The
other day, when i was thinking about suicide, something
slapped me across the face, something spiritual(which is
strange, because i'm very christian, but i don't believe
suicide is a sin). It was like "no, you can't kill
yourself. You're going to save lives". It was the weirdest
thing in the world. At the risk of sounding like a
religious nutcase, i think it was God. It was the most
beautiful thing i've ever had happen to me. Somehow it was
revealed that whatever i do in my future, is going to save
lives. I've been a humanitarian type of gal since i was
very little (my dad was telling me about this the other
day), but i have never thought i'd make a difference.
Somehow though, from that strange little spiritual moment,
i knew that i would. Whatever i do is going to change
something, and i know that sounds concieted and overly
ambitious, but i think it's true. It felt like God spoke to
me. And hell, if it's enough to change my mind on killing
myself, why not?




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