myrddyn

reflections from the kiddie pool
2003-07-02 21:41:52 (UTC)

no adequate title


I am usually hard pressed to come up with diary titles
when there is no particular focus. Too much has happenned
to have an entry about a specific thing.

First, the video I referenced oh so long ago--I never did
it. I might still, but who knows. I don't have a good
reason why not.

Second, work is more of the same. If you read any
previous entry, that about covers it.

Third, the baby is growing like a weed. At 8 weeks she
was above the 95th percentile in weight and length and
above the 85th percentile in head circumference. I know
all of this stuff evens out over time, but I can't shake
this imagine in my head of Abby at 20 saying deadpan into
a TV camera -- "Abigail Grace *****, Defensive Tackle,
Texas".

Fourth, having a baby distracts you, at least temporarily,
from your other problems. I'm convinced that when people
say how great it is to have a baby, that's what they
mean. It isn't that their life is substantively any
better, or that they are better people, or that suddenly
your perspective on life is totally different. You aren't
getting any sleep, you aren't getting anything done, but
the baby is so much the focus of everything that there's
no time to be bent out of shape about anything else.
What's more, everyone you know is more forgiving of your
problems because, after all, you have a new baby!

That's why I think so many people get divorced after they
have children. Because for a while, be that one year or
20, everything is 'better'. Then after the kid(s) is
grown up, or just getting older, you still wake up one
morning and are stuck with the fact that you hate your
life just as much as before and, by then, probably your
spouse, because you've spent so many years being
distracted that it comes as some great shock that your
life doesn't just come to an abrupt end when your child
gets married. I don't know what people think will happen,
maybe a massive heart attack at graduation, or just
winking out of existence during the kid's wedding
ceremony. But I guarantee you if you don't eat only junk
food for however many years, you'll wake up the morning
after, just like the morning before.

Fifth, everyone seems to think it's really funny that you
don't get any sleep. I mean, they didn't get any sleep so
now they're ever-so-happy you aren't getting any either.
I totally don't get that. I knew I wasn't going to get
any sleep, and I'm not, and my life is pretty much exactly
what I expected, so I have to admit I don't get the joke,
or what is so outrageously funny. I understand a lot of
jokes, or why when I do something stupid it can be funny
at the same time. I have a fairly good grasp of the
concept of humor. It's like someone saying "You've got an
ulcer? HAHAHA". I think it would be funnier if I walked
around saying "I thought the baby would sleep *all night*
right away!! Oh why oh why isn't she sleeping?" That
would be funny, because I would have been so, so stupid
for ever thinking that in the first place. But I didn't.

Sixth, babies are very very cute. I think our baby is the
cutest when she is flat-out dead-to-the-world asleep, but
when she smiles it's a close second, since that's about
the only thing she can do right now. One thing I never
figured is how much I would enjoy just sitting in front of
the baby and getting her to smile. I can do it for an
hour and not be tired of it.

Seventh, guys who don't change diapers are idiots, and
that is the most polite thing I can think to say about
them. Abby loves to be on the changing table and getting a
new diaper, and it's time when we're just together.
I think of all the gross, disgusting tasks that are mine
around the house and what I've done in my life and
changing the worst poopy diaper doesn't even crack the top
30, what is the big fucking deal, seriously. Can some guy actually
explain that to me? I also feel sorry for guys whose wives strictly
breast feed, because holding the baby while she drinks formula is
also a very cool bonding experience. If I didn't do these things, I
don't think I would have half the bond with her that I do.

Eigth, unless something drastic changes, my father isn't
going to be any better a grandfather than he was a
father. My biggest peeve is that, just like when I was
born, he told mom he would stop smoking, and this time
when it came time, he didn't even try. He still has many
years to work, and I would be surprised if he took any
extra time out to spend with the baby. This one may be a
bit premature to call, but I think it falls under some old
saying about those not remembering history . . .

Out of the numbers now; my Hapkido studies are going well,
but I struggle with the students in class who obviously
aren't serious about what they do. It's dangerous, and
their screwing around grates on my nerves. I don't mind
so much the younger guys, in the 17-20 range--I remember
what that was like. But in particular the adults, I think
why are you wasting your time here? The instructor feels
my pain, but knows that the 'casual' student pays the
rent. Anyway I have scheduled two seminars this year--a
short one late in July and a weekend deal in November.
I'm pretty pumped.

I haven't exercised since the baby came, not really. but
we just joined a new health club and my membership starts
Saturday. I'm very excited to get back into the pool, and
adding some lifting. Morning exercise shouldn't be too
much of a problem.

There's lots more to write, and who knows if I'll start
regular again, but as they say at least I'm here now.




Ad: