once again
2003-07-02 08:37:37 (UTC)


So I really like working at this chili's now. Everyone is
so nice to me and I'm making a lot of friends. However
some of them I feel only want to be friends because they
think I'm pretty and they would like to be with me. I
admit I kissed Rene the other night. He is such a good
kisser and so incredibaly good looking. However I am not
looking for anything. Then I have this problem of
Jason...he's cute too however he's shorter then me and I am
not attracted to him at all. He's trying so hard and I
love hanging out with him.. he's fun to talk to. But I am
not looking for anything that involves a relationship. I
don't want to break either one of their hearts. I think
Jason woul d be the worse one in this case. He's got it
bad and everyonw at work is beginning to notice. I just
don't know how to make it stop.. Just be my friend and let
nature do it's work. Do'nt force these things on me...I'm
not ready.
I haven't talked to Shawn since friday and I miss him and I
love him and I know he's no good for me but he own this
part of my heart that I can't make it go away. I look at
men now and I look for the good qualities taht Shawn has
and I realize that I won't find those because they are not
Shawn. That makes me so sad. I just am so confused with
Rene kissing me and Jason hounding me and Shawn and my
whole life is a blur. The only thing I really understand
is how to work. I look at men as my safe hold and I'm
tired of doing that. If I'm bored I'll hang out with a guy
I barely know just so I'm not bored and I feel better about
I just want to scream in everyone's faces STOP!