Jennifer

Exposed
2003-07-02 08:26:50 (UTC)

Confusion

I was reading over one of my previous entries
entitled "Love is a funny thing..." and I am rather sure
now that it wasn't real, all powerful love...maybe
infatuation or lust but not love...I vaguely remember how
it felt and if it really wasn't love then I can only
imagine how much more intense, powerful, and blinding
actual love must be. Deep down I do want love and my heart
doesn't help to counter that either...but my head tells me
to escape as quickly as I can at the first sign of
stirring, sappy emotions which isn't a problem as long as
it is a one way thing...but if it is mutual I don't know
what I would do...I didn't tell Ian but when I went to
Sabrina's house to give her my gift one of the many things
she talked about throughout that conversation was how she
thinks that I am beginning to love him in a romantic
way...she even went as far as to tell me that if he and I
ever got married that it wouldn't work. It bothers me that
she would even go there because that's something I don't
want to think about. I think she has no idea of who I am
anymore...she really wigged me out by mentioning love and
even more with marriage.I don't really know how I feel
about Ian outside of my love for him as my friend and my
fondness or like for him as more than a friend probably because I
don't want to know...but I suppose I have to figure it out sooner or
later.




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