Jennifer

Exposed
2003-07-01 07:14:21 (UTC)

Endings and New Beginnings

Last week was Ian's last week here and I took every
opportunity to spend time with him. Theres been a lot of
conflict lately with our mutual friends and how some
people think we are stuck up each other's asses and ignore
people or are dazed on each other when they are around. I
wanted to try and fix it at first but there doesn't seem
to be a reasonable solution in my eyes at least not one I
am willing to try. Friday I went to a retirement party
with Ian and his parents and had fun and tried
alligator...then ,on the way home, he reached his hand
over near mine and we held hands the rest of the way home
which was really sweet and I wound up staying the night
and sharing a bottle of wine with him...Saturday was the
day of his departure and I stayed at his house...watched
him pack...ate at a diner with him...had sex for the
eleventh time...and spent the last couple hours with him
and family watching Ice Age and waiting for his ride to
show up and take him away. The knock on the door came and
my heart rose into my throat as I tried my best to keep
from crying...I said my goodbyes to his father and tried
to with his step mother...went outside and gave him a
hug ,told him that I would see him soon and that I had to
go before I started crying, then I turned away and walked
toward my car as the tears began to gather in my eyes and
fall. It was sad...it kinda felt like someone ripped a
hole in my heart and left it aching a little...I don't get
why...I suppose it is because I was use to spending so
much time with him and because I do care about him...then
ofcourse there's that whole emotional bond thing. I talked
to him last night and I feel much better...I suppose it
served as a reminder that Life as I've known it for 18
years is now changing and I realize how uncertain the
future really is. I am beginning to get things in order so
that I can move to Dallas and start a new life...try
living on my own and go to college eventually. I am
tempted to run father and faster than I ever have though
because if I never take that next step then it's like I
never have to grow up but I won't do that...I told my
friends that I am moving and I am not gonna change my mind
and run away from them and everything this new life
represents and I'm not gonna do it to myself because I
want to experience what life has to offer...but i'm not
saying that one day I won't disappear and live my life in
a different way...I just hope that if I ever do I don't
hurt anyone in the process.




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